One other thing I meant to mention. The L letter She wants me to leave now and rent somewhere. This is something she's wanted all along. Sorry but no. Not going to happen. When my L gets back in touch I'll make sure all these points are raised.
Once again, if she wants to leave then that's on her.
I agree with the person above....just keep your son for the time you want and what is fair. 50/50. But, unlike her, you want to seem communicative and not doctoral. Merely send her a calendar outlining the next couple weeks and say:
"I am in receipt of your lawyer's custody proposal and I reject that. Please find attached a proposed calendar dividing up our custody time with S9 for the next couple months. It's based upon a 50/50 split, though I still think that until you find a permanent place to live he should be sleeping at home in his own bed, just as I permitted after I was made to leave back in Janaury/February. S9 needs stability so let's just get this schedule done between the two of us so S9 doesn't need to feel up in the air everyday about what he's doing, who he's with and where he is going to sleep. Any changes you want to suggest, feel free to edit, but notice I'm not asking you to accept anything less than 50/50 and I hope of for the same courtesy from you.
Do some of your own research. Google "Presumption of shared parenting" for some good UK discussion and articles on the subject. Unfortuantely, it doesn't appear the UK has codified 50/50 as the starting points of custody cases, it does appear the courts strongly push having parents decide between themselves much more so than occurs in the US where, absent a 50/50 presumption the court is relied upon to "decide" and/or badger the man to acquiesce to whatever the mom wants.
Thus, you COULD be slightly behind the 8 ball IF this issue ever does proceed to a trial on the issue. Shared Residency Orders are the norm now, but not everywhere and it depends on the judge. I think this means that old judges still largely favor moms and the traditional notion that a child needs both parents but only one "home".
My conclusion. Stick to your guns of ALWAYS being communicative and ALWAYS trying to be fair about S9 without ever backing down or off of 50/50. Document when she plays games with custody and never let her document you doing the same (because you won't). Arrange a schedule and then be there for the pickup and then when she doesn't show...send a text and an email telling her she failed to adhere to the calendar, that you two should be able to agree, that this is not in the best interests of S9 and that you've adjusted the calendar accordingly (whereby you substitute her name on your day and add a day to your next custody time ...thereby every time she keeps S9 just adds time to your next visit and she has to let you visit eventually or she'll look horrible in court, if it ever comes to that).
She can choose to use the calendar or not. But every time you communicate about the schedule attach the revised Calendar for her reference. The calendar should not only document the future schedule but include the historical information since she moved out such that if you have to argue for extra days around a holiday later in the year you can point back to the extra days she had in June that you never required make up days for.
Just be the peacemaker, fair and always reasonable. You'd want a judge to see that you are focused solely on S9's best interest and can be (the most) trusted with always being fair and reasonable.
As far as the house. Take down whatever pictures you want. I suggested painting a room or two way earlier in your thread. She's angry because she chooses to be. she doesn't like the idea of you making the place yours. Your job isn't to avoid her anger. In fact, her anger in good. It demonstrates frustration and annoyance. This affair things isn't fun anymore nor turning out exactly how she wanted (with OM moving in and replacing you in her dream home). Further, imagine her taking that anger back to OM and the hours and hours of her complaining to him about you. How "romantic" is that?
Your job is to make your living arrangements comfortable for you during this most difficult time. Painting a room or two also will keep you busy and preoccupied. Find a buddy that will donate a pool or ping/pong table and move it into the dining room for you and son to play on. Maybe undertaking a project with S9 will be a nice father/son activity (teach him some working with his hands skills, maybe add some trim work and boys LOVE working with saws and tools). It's YOUR home.
Finally, with all due respect, I think the exercise of trying to analyze and glean some kind of information or insight from the sayings your wife hung up on the walls in your home is completely unproductive navel gazing. IF she bought them and put them up recently while having the affair they are merely fantasy wayward babble. IF she bought them before she was wayward they are indicative of her personality BEFORE she was wayward and not very applicable to the person she is today. She probably just bought them because the sayings AND frames (size, color, dimensions) all suited her. Maybe one saying more than the other but which one??? I have NO IDEA what actionable insight you could possible glean from this. The mind of a wayward is frenetic. She's focused solely on OM. It's a waste of time and a waste of your love tank trying to decrypt a meaning out of something that probably doesn't mean a whole lot. She was upset you were making the place yours and removing "her stuff" without speaking to her. It had nothing likely to do with her attachment to any particular phrase. Maybe wrap up the frame neatly and place them by the front door with a note, "sorry I took these down, I didn't know how much they meant to you but I was careful with them and didn't damage them, I've wrapped them up securely here for you to take with you". Just presume she was angry that you might have damaged them, not that she has any right or claim to how you decorate the home you intend to keep living in.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
