So as predicted the push pull dance is very much in session. W is pulling back a bit.
Yesterday morning started out rough, little spat over nothing, mini monster from her but she later TM and apologized and seemed to 'come down' a bit. With the Retrouvaille weekend behind us, its difficult as we are to share/discuss things every night ... basically homework every night. Last nights topic .. button issue.. "Anger". I know this has been a issue in our M, but honestly during her anger stage, which lasted about 2 years solid, I was not educated on MLC so I obviously made a ton of mistakes and was a complete "Bait Eater" .... now I see the 'game' as bad as it sounds and I refuse to engage. However W seemed to almost sabotage last night and did not seem interested in 'doing the work' so I let it go, did not bite, even went dark. Instead I went out ... GAL.. went to my buddy's show, had a couple beers, enjoyed the late night ride, clear sky, half moon but bright and thought/reflected about where I am and I am at peace right now, knowing I have done all I can but realizing my energy level is really low with all this. I accept there are just times it drains you and you need time but I do question if MY needs will ever be met by W. I just do not know, and that has me 'stuck' at the moment.
Other than ^^^^ stuff ... I continue to be impressed with the Retrouvaille program, Tuesday we all recived an email, one of encouragement (W has not read this yet) and last night I received a call from one of the presenting couples, she was asking how things were, told me what I felt was totally normal ... this was not a "Don't forget the post meeting" call .. though she did remind me .. but it was like she actually cared and wanted me to know she was there to help. Was the first time since I have been on this forum I felt someone actually cared about my M not even knowing the particulars.... where as many of you might be able to relate just a couple wifes of what a MLC/LBS goes through the common feeling seems to be ... "Dude time to call it a day". So yeah .. God must know my tank is on fumes and he is trying to nudge me along.
W called, just to wish me a good day, admitted we were not on the best terms last night, she did not sleep much. I was detached ... not really wanting her 'in' right now, I am just so tired of this lately ...I know there is much more to go through and its hard. I will get out today .. refuel .. get 'back to center'
