Need to stop pushing

[Painter]

I know you asked for Wonka, but I wouldn't mention anything about the two of you or your differences.

Can I ask why? Just curious because things are really bleak at the moment and I'll like even for one day to not be fighing.

Because it's R-talk and it could very well turn her off. There is nothing to fight about if you stick to a message that is focused on her dad. It's not about you and her. If she comes back with something negative, that's on her.

I would not ask her to do anything there on your behalf.

Ok, but may I ask why? I'm pretty sure she will reflect on this sitch when she's there. I don't want her to think I'm unfeeling.

The basic message shows plenty of feeling. I wouldn't ask her to be at her dad's memorial and think of you or your R. It is so obviously not what she wants, right? Leave her to have her own thoughts, they will be much more powerful if they come from herself than from you.

What did the letter from the L say?

The usual. Marriage is broken down irretrievably with no prospect of R, She and S9 are residing elsewhere etc then a proposed deal to buy me out. Not much different from where we were in April. I was expecting the letter but it's still a punch in the gut. Certain things just get to me like how She is dictating the terms of access (she can't do that and her L knows this), how she gets to say where S9 lives (my L is going to contest this). The access she proposes means I get S9 2 nights a week then every second weekend.

I wouldn't go along with this even now. I would keep him and tell her you're doing every other week until something is worked out. Since he can go back and forth, there's no issue that he can't see the other parent on the off-week. It could be very dangerous if she gets to set a presedence that you go along with at this point. Also make sure she has not changed his address at school, I would go there and give them a notarized letter or one from your L saying that you do not allow his address to be changed. I've seen these moves so many times before.