I have really been trying to detach, and for the most part I am doing better. Every time I find something suspicious in the house, I trigger and regret it. So I am still snooping, but much less. I totally agree with Ripken: detaching is so hard when you are in the same house. I really want to be in a different house, but I don't want it to jeopardize custody in any way, and my L has advised against it.
It seems like the whole community knows what is happening - a number of individuals have approached me personally. It is so shameful. Others have approached her, on their own volition, and W still denies that the A is happening. Prominent community members are wondering why it has taken me so long to take any action against her. I doubt they would understand much about DB. It seems like my W has dug her heels in completely. That is fine with me. I am just worried (more paranoia) that she is conspiring with my ILs to screw me over very badly. It is very unsettling not knowing what/if they are planning. my step-MIL, whom I have mentioned before, is very crafty and a pretty nasty person. I don't think she would have any qualms about destroying me or my reputation. Rumors are already spreading in my hometown, where my MIL lives, and they have come back to me through other channels. My WW is passive and non-confrontational, but her actions speak pretty clearly.
I am very concerned that my children are going to find out about the D before I have a chance to tell them. I will feel really badly if this happens. I am already troubled by the fact that the kids are being exposed to this toxic environment daily, without understanding why. They must be terrified by the uncertainty. This is not the model of how parents or a family should be. Every day that they are witness to the complete breakdown of our M is another day that they forget what a real relationship should look like. I want to tell the children.
Does anyone have any input regarding the timing of telling the children? Are there any resources available - on this board or elsewhere - on how to tell the children? Are there any major mistakes to avoid? I wanted to meet with the psychologist first, but she will not be available until after July 6, which seems like a lifetime. I am worried about something happening before that. Is meeting with a psychologist beforehand recommended? Am I waiting for nothing? Should I bite the bullet and just tell the kids, with W present?
