Summer of Growth and Acceptance

[V2pt0]

Oh, yes. I have been amazed my how controlling and contemptous he is being about this entire thing. There is only one perspective that is legitimate right now and that is H's. If I try at all to bring up my perspective then I am blaming hiim. There seem to be three major elements that keep popping up from his viewpoint:

1) He is adamant he was finished with both me and M back last year. However, he is still very affected by things that I do and say and makes sutle references that he is thinking about paths to a future. It is clear he is not as finished as he wants me to think. However, I entirely agree that I am auditioning for the role of his wife. He is picking aoart my every word and action. He is looking for guarantees that our M will flourish again before recommitting. Until then, I think he feels entitled to continue on with A. So as Cadet said, he is spinning around in the victim triangle and constantly reminding me he us the victim.

2) He has major self esteem and self worth issues. I know that these were there already, but my lack of attention, physical affection, etc. have made it worse. In addition to wanting needs met, this to me is a major factor for why he has had A. He is trying to run from his self esteem issues in a very destructive way. I think this also has to do with the dramatic weight loss. When this A goes south or ends, I think it will be the start of his bottoming out as he will find his esteem issues only heightened further. He needs to get counseling or do some self help in this area to be healthy. I am almost positive there is an underlying issue that need counseling work.

3) His hurt, anger, and resentment are standing in the way if accepting my apologies and changes. He is not in a place to forgive yet. I feel he is still in a place of wanting to punish me, even though I am not sure this is a conscience effort.

I think like an addict, he needs to decide to get help on his own. I have tried multiple times to suggest him to see IC and he snapped the last time, so I am not bringing it up again. I did see something recently that indicated he might be finally looking at going. As a side note, the same thing also indicated substance abuse.

I am trying to do my best to change my part of the issues and am proud of what I have accomplished thus far. I just need to work on detachment.