gan 7 - Ants Marching

[gan]

Thanks, Mozza, for dropping by and offering these thoughts. I've pondered this quite a bit today and here's what I've concluded: I'm not an avoider but I don't like (fear) making mistakes. I don't want to infer a guy is interested until I am sure that is what is going on. And at the moment I'm not feeling very confident in my ability to judge that (if you recall, a married guy I sat next to on a plane a couple of months ago made reference to getting a hotel...and I was genuinely baffled as to whether he was propositioning me or not). I also guess I don't have a good sense for how far to let things go before announcing "not interested". Actually I am pretty direct and honest most of the time...that was probably a bigger factor in my M.

Coffee Guy: well that's just a bit of infatuation on my behalf and I don't think he's interested. I'm not being rude or anything, just decided I should try not to indulge myself. Ignore wasn't the right word. Of the 3, I feel the most attraction and tension here...though I think it is all in my head.

Smitten Meetup guy: we interacted very little on the hike and a few days later he sends me a message along the lines of "not meaning to be disrespectful...he doesn't really believe in love...but for some reason my face was upon his thoughts". OK - I get it. That's pursuit. Does that warrant a direct "thanks, I'm not interested" response? That seems a bit harsh having had such basic exchange. I mean I can't speak for all womankind, but I don't know any girls who are gonna want to go there. I ended up responding "Thanks, I'm flattered. Hope you're settling well" (he just moved here). Was that a case of me not being direct enough or a guy not getting that that means not interested? After that he sent me a poem (not written by him)...and that's when I didn't respond.

Other Meetup guy: we'd both been on a few of the same hikes and I met up with him separately one time. He invited me to a few other things after that (so he obviously didn't not like me) but I was genuinely busy so said no. I didn't want to make the mistake of inferring he wanted something more than he really did. Mostly I think this relates to the age difference. He could have responded...h3ll no, you're 20 years younger, I'm not that kind of guy and then it would be really awkward for both of us (that's probably me projecting my insecurities around the age difference onto him). I did reply - basically said I was only looking for friendship, wasn't really sure what he was wanting and then mentioned where I was at in my sitch. I left it in his court by saying if he is looking to have an occasional catch up as friends then I can do that, but if he's looking for more than that then it would be unfair of me to say yes to catching up. I finished by saying I hope he understands where I am coming from. Turns out he does....he's an LBS (5 years) and he's in no hurry for a relationship beyond friends (though the way that was phrased, he didn't rule out that that was what he wanted). We'll probably meet up next week. You were right, Mozza, I did feel relieved at having this out in the open.

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I'm not too sure if I should be elaborating on the above. This is a pro-marriage site and that was something I really valued when I first came here. FWIW I still remain open to reconciliation and I still don't consider myself "in the dating scene." But I have been finding it interesting engaging more with all the people around me, including men (who I actually find it easier to get along with....ISTJ). Makes me realise how much marriage kinda pulled me out of that - 50% of the population was sort of off limits. So yeah...just kind of feeling my way through each day and if it turns into something then so be it. Keeping it real these days.