Dif - A very interesting experience for you. I can't imagine my reaction were I to read something like that. Just keep doing what you're doing - there may be cheese down this tunnel yet!
In any case, I'm so proud and impressed and ECSTATIC at how far you've come in just a few weeks. I have complete faith in you as a person and I know that however this ends, you will be ok. I'm wishing you the strength I know you already have.
Cali, this morning at church was the first time I actually DID pray for the OW. I asked God to convert her heart, and it felt really strange to send up a prayer for a woman for whom, God forgive me, I've actually harbored homicidal thoughts. But I am bound to pray for her too, yes? Thanks for your witness to that as well. It gives me strength to do it again. Tomorrow. Not tonight. Sorry. I am going to bed, and my strength is sapped. No OW prayers before bed.
Also, you and I are on the same faith wavelength. God doesn't punish. He doesn't have to. We muck things up quite enough on our own, don't we? My W is getting a taste of this. As much as I'd love to "rescue" her, as the OW suggests, I can't. She needs to take this journey and stumble on her own. It's just that I'll be around when she needs that hand to help her get back up... if she reaches for it.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Thanks, Matt. You are very kind. I need you and all the folks on this board to provide the kind of support the rest of the world doesn't understand and wouldn't provide. I'm not even two months in and people think I should be done with her. A part of me agrees with that every day... but... love is patient, right? And kind. And is willing to suffer. We all get this. What a great group of people you are.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Thanks, Heavy. Your prayers are more perfect than mine right now. I can't help but slip my agenda in there. But God knows what she needs, and what I need. In the end, that's what I need to pray for. Glad you get it.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
What do you think God's will is? You are in the situation you are in...what do you think?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Good question, PM. In the long run, I don't know. I have always believed it was God's will for us to be together in the committed relationship we shared. It's always possible His will is something else, and that will take some discernment.
I do know it's not God's will for her to be caught up in this affair, because that's never His will. But that's not my issue... it's hers. And even when we find ourselves in the worst circumstances of our own choosing, it's always God's will for us to grow and become better people for it. I've been reading The Imitation of Christ again, and it reminds me that suffering works to our good if we let it. So that's where I am right now in all of this, in terms of His will.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Dif, glad to see there may be a crack in her fog. Sending positive thoughts your way. Just stay quiet and patent. OW us digging her own hole. The pressure plus other variables like the sketchy apt might just start to make her wake up.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Yes... I'm doing my best to just do my thing and ride this out. It's hard knowing how obsessed she is with the OW, all the things she says to her that she used to say to me, and then all the embarrassing stuff, too. I just have to trust that it's the addiction talking, not my W.
This morning, I went up to our office and noticed some printed materials she had designed - well, one of them I had designed. This used to be my job. I complimented her - it's amazing how one compliment unleashes a torrent of attention from her, mostly seeking more attention from me, of course. She gave me yet another rundown of all her possible clients (she does this on an almost daily basis - still no money has come of any of it). Then she asked if I would do her monthly newsletter - which again, used to be my job. (Interestingly, she has shared all the newsletter links with the OW and passed them off as if she did them, not me. So she needs my help to impress the OW!) Then she commented that my hair needed fixing, and proceeded to fix it, while suggesting I change my t-shirt (which is pretty casual today) and asking, "Where are you going? Who are you meeting? Someone important?"
We did a few more things that just felt "couple-like"... talked about stuff we needed from the grocery store, had to switch some things around from one car to the next. As much as she says she wants to "live alone" in her sketchy apartment, I would love to have enough normal moments like those the next month and a half so that when they are gone, she wakes up and misses them with the kind of ache in her gut that I feel every day in mine.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
As much as she says she wants to "live alone" in her sketchy apartment, I would love to have enough normal moments like those the next month and a half so that when they are gone, she wakes up and misses them with the kind of ache in her gut that I feel every day in mine.
Exactly. This is what the LBS needs to do...planting seeds of positive memories and interactions in the WAS' mind. They are what usually draws them back home because they reflect back on the positive memories and miss the essence of the LBS.
It is a no contest at all. The OW is bound to lose...badly.
As much as she says she wants to "live alone" in her sketchy apartment, I would love to have enough normal moments like those the next month and a half so that when they are gone, she wakes up and misses them with the kind of ache in her gut that I feel every day in mine.
Exactly. This is what the LBS needs to do...planting seeds of positive memories and interactions in the WAS' mind. They are what usually draws them back home because they reflect back on the positive memories and miss the essence of the LBS.
It is a no contest at all. The OW is bound to lose...badly.
This is why I let my W take whatever she wanted from the house when she moved out. Whatever she has good memories of, I want her to have. I was a little peeved that she took a couple special things I got for the girls in the last couple months, but after reflection, Im happy that she thought enough of the things to take them.
Plant seeds. Slowly add water. Wait. Patience is king.
