Yea, we have all this here too. Availibility isn't really an issue and you can do like you say. Charity (which is actually very good), private clinical, NHS or university. That's not the issue. WW has to agree.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Hi Wonka, I'm looking to exploit your kindness again.
Normally whenever I send WW a message these days it's about S9, L's or some other practical matter and I very rarely initiate anything. But I really need to craft a message today.
The reason is that tomorrow is the second anniversary of the tragic passing of the W's father. They will be going to the place where his ashes are scattered. It's a bit of a double whammy because the place where his ashes are scattered is also the place where W and I got married. This will be the first time I'm not attending (for obvious reasons).
I'd just like to say to her that for one day to put our differences aside and that I'm thinking of them. And that when she speaks to her Dad to say Hi from me and to thank him for everything he did for me.
Caveat. This message is only intended to express the sorrow of the loss of her father. I did love the man and do miss him terribly.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I don't know about her reaching out but I do want the fighting to stop. I just received her L's letter and although I was expecting it it's still a kick in the groin.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I know you asked for Wonka, but I wouldn't mention anything about the two of you or your differences. Just be brief (1-2 sentences) and say just what you said - that you are thinking of her and her family on this day and that you miss her dad and is grateful for everything he did for you. I would not ask her to do anything there on your behalf.
What did the letter from the L say?
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I know you asked for Wonka, but I wouldn't mention anything about the two of you or your differences.
Can I ask why? Just curious because things are really bleak at the moment and I'll like even for one day to not be fighing.
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Just be brief (1-2 sentences) and say just what you said - that you are thinking of her and her family on this day and that you miss her dad.
Yes, that was my thinking. Short but full of sentiment.
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I would not ask her to do anything there on your behalf.
Ok, but may I ask why? I'm pretty sure she will reflect on this sitch when she's there. I don't want her to think I'm unfeeling.
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What did the letter from the L say?
The usual. Marriage is broken down irretrievably with no prospect of R, She and S9 are residing elsewhere etc then a proposed deal to buy me out. Not much different from where we were in April. I was expecting the letter but it's still a punch in the gut. Certain things just get to me like how She is dictating the terms of access (she can't do that and her L knows this), how she gets to say where S9 lives (my L is going to contest this). The access she proposes means I get S9 2 nights a week then every second weekend.
Last edited by NDY; 06/25/1512:25 PM.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I got an L letter as well today. W said she would stop them as she only contiued because she though I was going to do something nasty to her. Looks like our communication is clouded in fog.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I know you asked for Wonka, but I wouldn't mention anything about the two of you or your differences.
Can I ask why? Just curious because things are really bleak at the moment and I'll like even for one day to not be fighing.
Because it's R-talk and it could very well turn her off. There is nothing to fight about if you stick to a message that is focused on her dad. It's not about you and her. If she comes back with something negative, that's on her.
Originally Posted By: NDY
Originally Posted By: Painter
I would not ask her to do anything there on your behalf.
Ok, but may I ask why? I'm pretty sure she will reflect on this sitch when she's there. I don't want her to think I'm unfeeling.
The basic message shows plenty of feeling. I wouldn't ask her to be at her dad's memorial and think of you or your R. It is so obviously not what she wants, right? Leave her to have her own thoughts, they will be much more powerful if they come from herself than from you.
Originally Posted By: NDY
Quote:
What did the letter from the L say?
The usual. Marriage is broken down irretrievably with no prospect of R, She and S9 are residing elsewhere etc then a proposed deal to buy me out. Not much different from where we were in April. I was expecting the letter but it's still a punch in the gut. Certain things just get to me like how She is dictating the terms of access (she can't do that and her L knows this), how she gets to say where S9 lives (my L is going to contest this). The access she proposes means I get S9 2 nights a week then every second weekend.
I wouldn't go along with this even now. I would keep him and tell her you're doing every other week until something is worked out. Since he can go back and forth, there's no issue that he can't see the other parent on the off-week. It could be very dangerous if she gets to set a presedence that you go along with at this point. Also make sure she has not changed his address at school, I would go there and give them a notarized letter or one from your L saying that you do not allow his address to be changed. I've seen these moves so many times before.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Thanks for the heads up Painter. I'll make sure that happens.
One other thing I meant to mention. The L letter She wants me to leave now and rent somewhere. This is something she's wanted all along. Sorry but no. Not going to happen. When my L gets back in touch I'll make sure all these points are raised.
Once again, if she wants to leave then that's on her.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
