Pink's Journey # 3 - Learning to detach

[Sotto]

Hello lovely P! Really pleased to hear about your GAL. It truly does make a big difference to how we feel doesn't it? I'm so glad you have been out and enjoying yourself, because you've had a rough time of it lately.

I agree with RD and your comment about H not loving you. I also read that in your post and thought - that's not right. I believe he does love you Pink. But I don't believe he is able to participate in a full and loving R with anyone just now. Not until he has worked through what he needs to work through. And we don't know the timescale for that.

So, this is where the detachment comes in. Making your own plans, having your own friends. Being mistress of your own destiny. Managing your own finances. Planning your own holidays, looking after your boys, being independent and so on.

All of this needn't mean that your H doesn't love you, that he is completely done, or that you are completely done. It just means that conditions aren't such that you can be in a R with him just now. Our sitches are so similar in many ways. I have had a tough time this past week - really tough, and it makes me realise I have more work to do on my own steadiness and detachment.

I started meditating again this week (I had lapsed) and have been revisiting self-help books. I'm realising in my own sitch that things may have to go all the way with H. That he truly has to get to the point where we are all done. And then he may or may not turn back in our direction. I actually feel more hopeful for you because of the family you have together.

But of course, you can't spend your life looking over your shoulder to see what he is doing. Whilst I'm typing this, I received a spreadsheet of figures from H. It looks as though he is very much moving forward with things from his end, and wants to get himself to a point where he is 'free' to start a new family. But he tells me all the time now how much he loves and values me. I'm sure he's told me he loves me half a dozen times in the past few months - go figure!

Anyways my lovely friend, we just need to focus on us and what we can control, and I think you are doing really well. You have helped me a lot on this forum, and I'm so grateful for that. One day I would love to meet you, go for a drive, sing some songs, have a glass of wine and admire your pink outfit!!!

Toots xxxx