MLC SEPARATED NO CHANGE

[asitis]

I think the hard part for me right now is when H's family ask him to do something and he does it and I am standing by myself thinking what about me.

I guess I feel left out after 20 years.

Is it just that your H doesn't think/want to include you, or that you feel rejected by his family as well as by him?

Even if his family sees through his version of things, and some want to see you, they will be highly unlikely to out of respect for his wishes or loyalty. Some might exclude out of bad feelings toward you based on what he tells them, but others may not or are even sympathetic to you. So if it is feelings of rejection by them, in part, don't take it personally. Even those who do harbor ill-will, are either not the members of his family you probably really care all that much about or are so swayed by your H's one-sided version of things that they aren't really rejecting of you but of a ghost who never was.

If it is a belief or reminder of a belief that they are judging you, brush that off. Some may be, others may not. And it is how things turn out in the end: how do they feel about you in the unknowable future. Just like your H, that story has yet to be written.

Still, I know it is hard, as my W is going to be taking the kids out to vacation w/ her family in a few weeks and I'm already feeling some of the hurt of missing out, both of being with my immediate family, but also seeing some of her family who I really like and enjoy being around (a few, not so much).

It is a reminder that we need to detach not just from our S, but from their family and friends as well. In the same way: civil, pleasant, happy, but detached.

Good luck dealing w/ those feelings. Hang in there, that will bother you less w/ time as well.