On detachment. Don't see it as something that you do 100%. I don't think any of us can aspire to that. We still care. We still want to heal our families. Those of us with kids still get our buttons pushed around things which impact them. You sound like you are doing a good job detaching, but it will never be a solid wall that keeps the pain and emotion away. It will still hurt. It will still suck. It will still provoke you. And, you will still make mistakes and react occasionally. It is just that the vast majority of the time, you won't let the words and actions of your S provoke you into bad reactions. The feelings won't take over and auto pilot won't kick in so easily.
You are human. You clearly love your family, and are passionately committed to healing it. How can you possibly to expect to fully detach? You wouldn't be standing up in sitch doing what needs to be done if you were able to detach in total. It also allows you to help others on these forums because you can empathize and sympathize with them, connect with them even though you never really meet them. Try to see that you don't really want detachment the way you just put it in your earlier post. You want the pain to stop. Unfortunately, it isn't - at least not soon or as fully as we want. You still don't want that kind of detachment - you are too good for that and you are clearly strong enough and courageous enough (from your posts here and in others' threads) to stand up in that reality and do what it takes.
Vent if you need, we'll listen and help support you, just as you do for us.
This my friend is one of the most thoughtful, kindest things anyone has ever said. From the bottom of my heart thank you. On a day when I felt I was backsliding, having to pull myself up by the bootstraps this is really something I needed to hear. You are a hero sir.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
