I understand this and agree with it. I fully feel like it is an addiction she is under. I can make changes in myself and I feel like I have, but I realize that she is the one who will need to make the choice that she needs to end it and "get help". How does this happen when she is under the fog of the affair and getting her fix?
First, her fantasy has to crumble, which usually comes when she is faced with circumstances that hit her due to her actions.
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Her emotions are overriding everything. At what point does that emotional shift happen? Does she have to start to see the loss of things (other than me) to get her to jolt out of the fog?
It's complicated b/c it is not comparable to a calendar date, nor flipping a switch. It may take a series of things to cause the fog to lift. Reality has to interfere with her A/fantasy. In other words, there should be some type of consequences for her actions. As long as she feels she is gaining something in her favor, the longer she will reside in the fog.
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That is the question, isn't it? How do I get back the respect? I suppose it's about building in boundaries. So, what do I do.
Find the guy you were before M (unless you always allowed people to disrespect you). Stop petting and catering while she's in contact with OM. Boundaries are more than just stating what you won't tolerate. It is about your action if she does not honor the boundary. Boundaries without consequences have absolutely no effect.
I think you should stop "discussing" this with your W. They should be your boundaries without W's imput. I have found that too many LBH'S want to talk over whatever they learn new on DB. They talk too much! You don't have to ask her opinion or get her permission. This is about you.
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She'll probably say, "she'll try" - but I should "Act as If".
As if.....what?
Again, please get more DBing information under your belt before saying things to your WW about it. And frankly, I believe her going to MC with you.....at this time,is going to complicate what you should or shouldn't do.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
