So Friday I will see W. I have not seen her since Monday. It was a rough last weekend with communication and the rest of this week has been email only.
She asked me to keep the kids an extra day but I politely declined saying we had already made other plans for Saturday. My son then asked if Mom could hang out with us on Saturday to which again I politely declined. Maybe she is reaching out and I am rebuffing her. Is that a mistake? This is what she wants - happy family - while she is divorcing me and has her AP. Fake Happy Family.
Now I am starting to get nevous about Friday. I know the drill, calm, cool, breezy but OMG it will be so hard.
Any other words of advice for Friday afternoon/evening? Kid Handoffs are hard and W tends to linger which upsets the kids. That is why we usually do handoffs at school so we don't have to interact personally with each other and the kids don't get upset.
Everything about meeting with her fills me with dread. I am so mixed up - half of me is dying to hug and kiss her and beg her to come home, the other half wants to smash a grapefruit on her face ala James Cagney. So I will walk the middle path and hope for the best.
I will have no expectations. FYI - I am a terrible actor.
My main problem is that I start to cry and I hate that about myself. I try really hard not to do it but it is impossible. I am not talking about wracking sobs crying but tears flow down my cheeks. I try not to make a big deal about it so I will just keep some tissue handy just in case. I do not want my kids to see me cry. I am also concerned that W thinks it's a passive agressive move on my part. I swear it's not, they just come when they do.
