Our situations sound similar. I was not as much of a heavy drinker as a heavy pot smoker, but the drinking was in there too. As of today, I haven't touched either in 156 days. Whether you identify yourself as an alcoholic or not (I didn't), it was made abundantly clear to me when my W left that people without a problem don't usually have their spouses leave over it.
Truthfully my friend, the drinking and smoking were not the problem, what they were covering up and my unwillingness to address those deeper issues were what was the real challenge. It took months of sobriety before those issues started to bubble to the surface but now that I know what they are and can really work on them as opposed to just staying abstinent from substances, I'm getting some where.
Check out an AA meeting. They're free. Just go and listen. See if people's stories resonate with yours. If drinking was important enough to ignore your W's request for counseling over, it's covering something pretty deep.
My 2 c anyway.
Sorry you're here, keep posting.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
