Life as a new LBS

[shnswms]

Hello all,

I have been lurking on these forums for the last week. I thought it was time to introduce my situation and seek some advice.

I am 33. My wife is 30. 12 years together prior to marriage. 3 years of marriage. No kids.

On the morning of 6/14, I came home after a long night of work. Pulled into the driveway, her car is missing. Walked into the house noticed lots of furniture missing. I thought I had been robbed! After searching the house I find a short note. "You are an awesome person. I wish the best for you always. We are two totally different people. We both deserve to be happy. I've contacted a lawyer. I meet with him next week. Contact you later this week." Shock had set in.
I didn't even have a bed to sleep in. I had to laugh that she had even raided the canned goods in the pantry. She had been in a wedding as a bridesmaid all day and evening. In the middle of the night, she had recruited friends to move her out, while I was at work. This had to be an all night task. I arrived home at 0730. She had even initiated sex and told me she loved me the morning before she left!

I was lucky to have found this forum early without breaking too many rules. In a panic, initially I sent her a text (no response, no surprise). It was cordial though. I called her mother for an explanation. They reported they had nothing to do with it and refused to even help her move. She was crying on the phone. She also reported they had only 1 day prior notice and had tried to stop her. I ended up finding she had moved in with her best friend. Her best friend had been in my situation a year ago, with her husband leaving her. She has 3 kids and a new boyfriend whom she already wants to marry. We have 3 dogs, she left me two and took one.

A little background. Marriage had gone south probably since September of 2014. We had spoke about separation then. I wrote like a ten page letter promising I would change. I begged, I pleaded, I acted weak. I started doing my own 180's but could not get her to make her own. I had not read or heard of DB or DR yet. I first started noticing change when she got a new job in October of 2013. She started getting a lot of male attention, new single friends with bad influence, got a tattoo (something she would have never done in the past), out with girls all the time. Things seemed good again up until March. She became absent in our marriage. She was gone all the time, distant when together in our house, sex drive was nonexistent.
We had a trip to Vegas in early May, which I thought had gone very well.

Her criticisms of me were I had become a homebody, didn't go to enough family functions or social gatherings, I didn't help enough around the house (something I had greatly increased since first talk), and spent too much time on entertainment. My criticisms were she nagged all the time, obsessive compulsive traits with cleaning, emotionally distant, poor communication, always starting fights, and stubborn to a fault.

I suspected an affair as far back as the first talk. She would get angry and adamantly deny this. After this happened her mother told me that was the first question she asked her. She said my wife became angry and crying, demanding there was no one else. I don't have any proof of one, except she was always possessive of her cell phone and hated me getting anywhere near it.

Fast forward 10 days to now...my wife has still not contacted me. I know where she is living. I talked to her best friend whom she is living with the day after the bomb. She was supportive towards me and said she would do what is best for both of us. I texted my wife the morning of and the day after. I tried to call her in the morning the day after. She never responded. I have not tried to contact her in 8 days. It is a real struggle.

I have been doing things with her family. I spent the day with her sister and brother in law Saturday. I went to church with her mom last Sunday (another wife criticism). When we left church, there was a text from my wife to her mom saying she was headed over for Father's Day. We had to rush home so I could avoid conflict with her. I missed her by five minutes. Family said she was there all day and did not bring up the situation, so they didn't. Her family has been really supportive of me. When I saw her dad, he came outside and hugged me and apologizing profusely for her actions. He even began crying. They are hopeful we can mend the marriage.

I bought DB and DR. I have almost finished DB. I am trying to GAL. I joined a gym, got involved in church, reconnected with many friends, going out socially, burying myself in my career. I get a promotion this week! The times alone in this big empty house are the worst, so I try to stay busy.

I did obtain a lawyer who is a good friend of mine. Of course, he was also hurt by this, so he wanted to go after the jugular. Talking about going for a fault divorce due to abandonment, swearing our larceny warrants on her at work, and civil claims. I don't want that. We are just waiting to hear from her or her lawyer. I want our marriage to work. I have always been the spouse who tries to make it work and fix our problems.

Where do I go from here? No contact for 10 days now. I swore I would not contact her further after she made the first aggressive move and did not respond to my text or calls after the initial bomb.

Thanks for listening...