Oh man, job and Cali! I cringe, because my first instinct was... well, I think he got it, but then I read your post. I'd disagree, but you guys are always RIGHT! Whatever I doubt... I'm wrong these days.
I was actually very proud of myself. And as it was happening, I realized how many different experiences I've had since bd. This, for sure, was one.
And once I started, I really put it out there. I started off letting him know to never come by my house again
What happened this weekend: Saturday, later in the afternoon, I was out back with d14 and the two kids she was babysitting. They were in the pool and I was helping d14 watch them swim. I got a text from my *friend* that he was coming over. I told him no. Next thing you know, he comes walking out back where we were. He had been drinking some, not sure how much. And he came and sat down talking like it was cool. I was sooooo uncomfortable. And pissed. My d has no idea who this guy is, and she was looking at me mouthing, "Who is that?"
I was really upset for several reasons, but MOSTLY bc of my d14. She has enough to figure out, she does not need to have this guys disfunction added in.
She knows my guy friends and wouldn't think twice about them stopping over. But, she does not know him, so you know the first thing she is thinking seeing some strange man come visit me. Like I'd drop that on her like that? But then, to clarify there is nothing going on, and I said, no, he's married, then cringe again. She is probably thinking, why is this married guy here with my mom? Like she isn't already screwed up about that.
I expressed to him all that ^^^ and how I was very upset about it. And that he was lucky my s18 wasn't there. He would have questioned him and his intentions right there! You could just sense the awkwardness... and probably the tension from me and my displeasure.
I made things uncomfortable enough that he didn't stay long.
I was mad. First, I thought I had made It clear before, but obviously not enough. We didn't even talk for like 2 months after that. Then, we started a little, and it was fine. I just thought we could be friends, he was embarrassed about what happened, and it wouldn't again. Well... now he shows up again. And my d was there. Not cool.
So, today I told him not to come by my house again. He was immediately embarrassed and kind of playing it off, but was like OK. Then, I figured I would lay it all out there. I went in. I made it very clear that my biggest issue was I was not going to let my kids be disrupted anymore, and that dropping by is not ok. Then, I let him know that I didn't like that I considered him a friend and he tried to take advantage of me knowing I was vulnerable.
I really stood up for myself and set boundaries. I was proud of how I expressed my feelings. And honestly, I thought as it was happening how much I respected myself for... respecting myself.. and standing up for myself... and in a respectable way!
When he tried to kind of minimize, I called him right out on it. He had to face it and said, "you are right." He was apologetic. Then my phone rang, and he was out like trout.
It felt good. Hmmm... score one for me in the growth department!
This evening I bout d18 a car! I am so excited! It's nothing fancy, but it had low miles and was a great price. I took my neighbor with me. He knows pretty much everything there is to know about cars. He said it was a good deal.
This was a pretty quick decision. Financially, it is putting me in a tough spot, but doable. Originally, I wanted to give him my car and get a new one. That would include s17 and I splitting the car payment on my old one until paid off, plus me with a new one.
Finances are tough. I was just going through them over the weekend and felt that may be too much. So, I looked online and saw this one. It was owned by an elderly person, which is why it has such low mileage. Anyway, it's a done deal. We should get it later this week when we can meet at the DMV.
I also cancelled cable. We don't watch it that much anyway. And the bill is so stinking high! So, I feel really good about that.
I have really realized, as far as xh... I don't want to know anything. At all. Whatever they do.... I don't even want a hint as to what it is.
I will do whatever I need to do to move forward with my life. Pushing, walking, praying, writing, celebrating, laughing, working, exercising, enjoying, believing... I will do.
