The Bird, the Cage, and the open door.

[asitis]

Cali,

Has W been in IC? If so, has she explored her fear of anger issue there? I ask because my W is terrified that I will get explosively angry, even though I never have. I have had anger issues, but it was more a quick trigger of irritability, pushing away, or even a subtle put down. Not good, but...

Her father while generally very mild-mannered would occasionally go off into uncontrolled rages where he would spew all kinds of nastiness. This terrified my W and her sister & mother into walking on eggshells, being overly attentive to his needs, and not making their own needs known clearly. My W still doesn't trust me despite a lot of progress on my anger issues, but it is in part because of her issues with her father and fear of any signs of anger being a sign of impending explosions. No matter what I do, until she comes to grips with that, there will be issues of trust.

Just raising a possibility that you look at her family of origin for anger issues that may be part of the issue.