Hey Z, been in my thoughts daily! I do read all you guys are posting for sure. I do not want to muttle your very productive conversations. I am learning so much from you all!
I wanted to say to you that I am getting a sense from all of your posts that H is still controlling you (emotionally) and he isn't doing anything actively. That is a sign post maybe of something to look at. I know you have spoken about this with IC, so maybe this is still part of the grieving process that you are still in, maybe withdrawal as V is alluding to, IDk. whatever it is, I hope you are able to take a look at this issue, learn from it and heal.
Today is my birthday and it's been a good one. Lots of exercise and well wishes from folks.
Zephyr - you say you get the 'sense' my STBX is controlling me, or I'm letting my emotions be controlled...you are welcome to try to explain more. I am still upset about everything, of course. Anxious about getting it done for the reasons I described in response to Gan. I don't know that this is a deeper psychoanalytical issue to 'fix.'
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Also. Update - STBX had now wandered in twice without an appointment to finish what he started as plaintiff. And again, got frustrated with wait and walked out. He continues to ignore her attempts to set an appointment. Two little signatures. That's it. That's all we need.
Bueller? Anyone? Got any ideas on WTH this is?
Some days I miss him and just want to be together again. And I have these happy little fantasies that he makes himself whole so that he doesn't need to control with 'poor me and my inabilities, you make me suicidal' and other mind games. I am having a day today where he seems to my memory to have had many abusive behaviors, not an across the board abuser. Ugh.
In my fantasy, he doesn't think in paranoid circles. He is motivated and excited about what he is doing with his life, whatever that is. He has a sense of humor. He is confident and excited to build a family. We've built enough trust and my friends and family have bitten their tongues about what an idiot I am for still working for our M.
And then I realize I am not having fantasies of my H at all, I am imagining being with a different person entirely!
Thanks for the wishes, Toots! I was just over at your thread, reading. I have nothing productive to say, so decided not to clutter it. But I am glad to hear you feeling steady. IF that feeling changes tomorrow or the next week, you know that's normal, there is movement now you haven't had in a while.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
A friend passed this along to me today. I found it encouraging and wanted to share it with you:
Faith…Trust…Hope…Confidence…Love…Attitude
{1} Once all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.
That's FAITH
{2} When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her.
That's TRUST
{3} Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next morning but still we set the alarms to wake up.
That's HOPE
{4} We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future.
That's CONFIDENCE
{5} We see the world suffering, but still we get married and have children.
That's LOVE
{6} On an old lady's shirt was written a sentence 'I am not 80 years old.... I am sweet 16 with 64 years experience'
That's ATTITUDE
Have a happy day,
Live your life like the six stories above!
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
