Serve the servants: Wayward Wife & LRT (7)

[Defacto]

You need to stay interested, but cool, until you are absolutely convinced that your spouse's renewed interest in saving your marriage has taken hold. Once you feel absolutely sure that this is so, you can test the waters by becoming more obvious about your desire to stay together. You can try discussing your future together and see what happens. If your spouse is receptive, you can continue to move forward slowly and begin to tackle the issues that drove you apart in the first place. If, on the other hand, you're met with reluctance, backpedal just as quickly as you can. Resume your interested but distant stance until things move in a more positive direction. This might take a whole lot longer that you would like, weeks, even months. However, you must be patient. As long as your spouse seems to be somewhat interested rather than pulling away, it's okay for your marriage to be in a holding pattern. It will try your patience, but what else do you have to do right now that could be as important as trying to save your marriage? Be patient

Stop Your Divorce with the Last Resort Technique

GB,
I am a huge proponent of a nuanced approach to pursuit and distance. It certainly makes sense and is inline with MWD's writings above. However, my big concern is MWD's line about being "absolutely convinced that your spouse's renewed interest in saving your marriage has taken hold." Outside of a few guilt-driven TM's, I have no evidence STBX wants to save MR. The only hard evidence I have on anything is that she wants to end MR, albeit possibly reluctantly. (She filed for D on 06/03 and served me on 06/19). It seems like she is a bit distracted right now by her friend being in town.

But, I know this is no exact science. My goal is try to save my MR, my family, and myself.