As much as it is so unnecessary (IF he would just finish what he started), I am preparing for the expense of filing and serving him, starting it all over again. So redundant. But I have spent more on a weekend vacation and probably got less peace/piece of mind than what I think I will have, having this done.
If he escalates it, he does. I can't control the outcome, and avoiding issues isn't my style.
We know that the advice here to those wishing to save their marriage is to stall if possible in these matters. But that is not my STBX, unless he is truly somewhat a borderline personality and everything is the opposite game. And we've seen some of this in past years, him lashing out at even friends when he wants reassurance from them.
Perhaps:
Every day he doesn't sign, is a day he hopes for me to come calling to take the blame again and put us back together.
Sitting back like this will force me to file and he can always say, My W D'd me," and be the victim. It will go well with his new explanation of things that sure he was awful, but hasn't been right since the accident, and I left him, I can hear it now. Oh well. I don't care anymore, I know what happened that day and that I did fight for my M. That his behavior looked just like his behavior pre-accident, too. Every step, even during confrontation, I told him I would stand by him if he would address the abuse. So who cares really.
It's control for him, pure and simple. I beg for him to address things, he says no point. I say I'll sign, he throws curve ball when we are at notary. Curve ball resolved, and I say I'll sign, he quibbles on who pays $100 fee. Threatens to have me served. We get that resolved, I sign...and he doesn't. For 10 weeks and counting. During which time he is verbally abusive via text re my request that he gets all of his things out of the garage - "I'll get my things whenever the hell I feel like it...I am shocked at my ability to not call you names right now...get the F out of your own way you Fing bleep...you will get me my f'ing stuff or I will drown you in legal bills" (I gave up. And have settled in this position of get your things or don't, sign your papers or don't.)
And I'm really, really tired of whatever this game is.
Sometimes I get the faintest psychic sense that this is just one of our 'rough spots' and we'll be together again, talking big words about everything that happened here. But I think that is the addiction part, the way a smoker can still taste their cigarette even months after cold turkey.
So, V, I will wish the same for you H as I wish for mine - may they enjoy the life they've worked for, and may they find their equal in a partner.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
