The Bird, the Cage, and the open door.

[asitis]

You are doing the hard work. While my MLC W hasn't (to the best of my knowledge, and yes I snooped enough to not just have faith) hasn't had A, I recently re-read the A chapter in DR, as it does shed light on the undermining of trust and the difficult process of rebuilding it. While you probably shouldn't show her this chapter, boning up on it and having some of the here's why she needs to deal with your need to verify and her need to deal with being open even though it is not fun might be helpful to put in the tool box.

If she seems to be coming out of MLC, and willing to work, then you can put it to her that you want a strong, loving, healthy M for all of us and that this will take hard work on both your parts, and that you think both of you are worth that. You probably already have, but I want to stress you stressing the both of you are worth that discomfort and work.

As for taking the blame, what keeps coming up is that MLCs never fully own up to their sh*t and that we LBSs will never get the satisfaction we would like, so you manning up and just biting the bullet was great IMHO. It always takes two to tango, but sometimes one partner does not dance as well as the other. It is no skin off your back (other than a bit of ego bruising to eat crow) say what will help move the M forward rather than trying to be right. So bravo!

Good luck. We'll all be cheering for you.