The Dance of Uncertainty Continues...

[Wonka]

Yep, the Universe is wonderful to us when we get out of our own way, PP.

[teach3]

PP I've always been told that writing it down is a powerful way to reach your goals.

When you meet with her be a listener. I know that is my shortcoming. I have to make amends with my H for letting him down in that way and basically hurting him the same way his parents did.

5 months is a long time. Your working hard and trying your best to be accountable. All you can to do is try. I pray this meeting is the beginning of something good for your M.

Matt777 said to me that I needed to realize my old marriage is dead and my H doesn't want to come back to that. That was hard for me to grasp but I'm getting it and I can read that you are definitely trying to build something new and fresh.

Stay positive.

[PigPen]

Thank you teach, I appreciate your words and prayer.

I do not want my old M back - it's dead for good reason. I was a miserable person in it and truly disliked myself. I've examined every possible way to change my life in order to be more present, happier, and a better partner to whomever that may be with.

Intimacy was something I thought I understood in my M. Now I feel like that's like knowing how to swim and then jumping in the pool with a high school water polo team and realizing that I had no idea of what it was.

To me it was all physical - hand holding, taking walks, cuddling up and watching a movie. I had no idea it was being able to tell my W things that scared me, that were wrong with me, and/or I wanted to change about myself. I thought I needed to keep all of that to myself, even if asked about it directly.

Unfortunately my dislike for myself affected how I acted with my W, who loved herself but didn't like our M - because of me. I understand her distance and understand her hesitancy to get back in a situation where my issues can negatively effect her.

I truly want the opportunity to create a new relationship with my W. Just the opportunity.

Listening will happen. Lots of it. Lots and lots of it.

[Vanilla]

Pg

In my opinion you need GAL.

The difficulty for recovery is picking the right GAL, where there is no relapse temptation.

12 steps is great GAL! As is your AA. Involvement with the fellowship can lead to GAL opportunities too.

Careful GAL with a plan, you will need independence to R with W, your own interests.

I am going to look at signs of recovery for the abuse thread and will include addiction and compulsion in there. It's going to be a hard task for me as there is no signs that my H will ever truly recover.

I know you are doing so and you have my full support and prayers.

V

[Vanilla]

Z beat me to it, with an amazing post on recovery and how the target knows. The time frame is a couple of years!!

It might be helpful for you to read this but substitute addiction for abuse.

This is what recovery means

Your W may be looking for some of this.

V

[PigPen]

Thank you V and Z. Z's thread is huge. I certainly hope the timeframe isn't a couple of years.

I'm going to read Z's thread over and over until I know I've internalized everything she's saying and am living it, not just talking about it. That's a pretty comprehensive checklist of - are you for real? Or full of BS?

My appreciation to you both.

Sorry to hear that your H shows no signs of recovery V, he has to hit rock bottom first. Truly, I'm sorry to hear all that you have been through. Just hearing the pain that his addiction caused has made me feel an even deeper sense of empathy for my own W.

PP

[Vanilla]

This is for real!

V

[PigPen]

Hey DB'ers, I need some advice.

My W agreed to sit down with an MC on Saturday when we spoke. I reached out to the MC and heard back on Sunday about a potential appointment time.

I emailed my W asking her if that time would work on Sunday - and have not heard back yet. She's usually professional in her response times and has her phone on her throughout the day to get emails.

Is there a non pursuey recommendation for a re-touch about whether she can make the appointment?

The MC said he could hold the appt until Thurs, but would need a confirmation by then.

I'm thinking of texting instead of email:

"Hi W, (MC) has asked us to confirm the(appt time)appt I emailed you about by this Thursday, can you let me know if that works for you? Thanks"

It's odd that she hasn't replied to my email, I'm hoping that she simply didn't get it and isn't getting cold feet about the appt.

Thanks for any input.

[Vanilla]

Pg

Let WAW come back to you, let her think it through. Time is on your side here, the longer the better I feel. The more the time for you to show sobriety and change.

Await.

Let WAW think through the things you said. You said a lot of things, let her process. Oh and next time a delivery receipt?

Just my thoughts.

V

[PigPen]

Are you saying I should let the appointment lapse without asking her V?

I'm wondering if she simply missed my email. It's not like her to not respond at all. If she didn't want the appointment she would let me know (I believe).

She wished me a good weekend via text on Saturday night, but hasn't replied to the email I sent Sunday.