Trying to stay focus on me.....this is a challenge

[asitis]

And I wanted to add to what the others have said by way of perspective. Not only do you have excellent qualities, and it is important to take stock of those as well, but you are not responsible for the M problems or its possible failure.

A lot of us LBSs start to do too much self-blaming as we start to do the kind of difficult introspection you are beginning. It is neither you nor your H's fault. It is much, much more complicated than that, and includes events and pressures outside your R. It includes patterns of behavior that both of you have had instilled in you by your parents, early interactions with peers, your culture, etc. So, while it is really healthy to do the introspection and identify things you would like to work on to make a better you and be able to have healthier Rs (be that with your H or another), don't be too hard on yourself. We all do this. All Ms have these kinds of problems and dynamics. It is not you. You are a good person trying to do the best that you can. Your H is trying to do the best that he can (nobody tries to make themselves unhappy or sets out to ruin their M). You are standing up and working at a very difficult time. Be proud. Be forgiving and gentle to yourself. We all deserve this. You deserve this!