I hope I didn't sound super sassy in my post. I do that sometimes. I think you are doing really well and I understand it's a struggle. It can be very difficult to watch some of these threads as some people are afraid if they don't acquiesce to the WAS or "live their lives" then they think the WAS will think they are done. Someone refers to it as keeping the door cracked ever so slightly as the best way of looking at the sitch.
Wow! You may be sorry you asked and I will try to be brutally honest. I'm pleasant and cordial. I have the kids 90% of the time and he will occasionally pick them up so I can hang out with friends. Are we friends? Nah, I can't be friends with a liar. That may sound judgmental and the lying was very difficult for me to accept. He still lies. Said he worked on Father's Day. Went kayaking with chickadee. What can I do? Nothing. Just laugh and love my children. Remind them how loved they are by many.
Can I forgive him? I have to and think that I am doing well in that process as I need to so that I live my life to the best of my abilities, IMHO. This sounds vain but I think holding on to anger and bitterness causes wrinkles and gray hair. I don't want to speed the aging process:) I do struggle with my children's pain and they are in therapy. However, I can only be there for them and love them. His R with them is all on him. And for all of his complaining at BD that "I doubted him" and wasn't "supportive", I haven't tried to fix a single thing. Yay me! And I can tell in convos that he is looking for me to offer a solution. Nada. Total 180 for me. He's a grown up and can figure it out if he chooses. Did all of that in the past and was totally blasted for it. I listen, validate, and just mosey on.
He complains about money (something he did not do when we were M because I was the bread winner while he was frequently unemployed) and I just say "I'm sure you will figure it out." Heck, sometimes we share a few laughs. However, I am not friends with him. Do I wish him well? Not yet. I've invited him to events and even invited him and the GF to Christmas. They declined:)
My primary concerns are me and my children. X Mr.GB will either figure it out or he won't. I have no role in that matter. He frequently sends me "remember whens?", photos, things he thinks I will think are funny. Sometimes I respond and sometimes I don't. It depends. I never, ever, ever expected to get a divorce. I sometimes cannot believe it. However, my home is much more peaceful now and I am grateful for that. Do I wish I was still married? Honestly? Some days I think yes and others....well..I'm fine.
I am soooooooo sorry I threw up on your thread and hijacked. It is a terrible quality of mine. Needs to be a 180.
Your R with W will evolve over time. She wants to get a rise out of you and if you detach, then that opportunity no longer presents itself.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 06/23/1505:52 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
