Your W filed for D this week. Don't ask her out. You'd just be rewarding bad behavior.
His wife is not a dog that poop'ed on the rug. She's not his pet that he is trying train. This isn't obedience school and it's not like she's going to file for divorce AGAIN (as in, "hmmm, if I file for divorce all the sudden Defacto is being nice to me...I should file for divorce more often).
She's a weak lost soul that Defacto can either try to save or not. IF she's savable and not completely unredeemable, then going out there and pulling her through.... then out of the fog will just speed things along versus waiting outside the fog for her to stumble upon him. If she's NOT savable or redeemable, then he'll have his answer sooner or later about whether this marriage is actually savable versus waiting on the sidelines indefinitely.
A confident attractive man goes for what HE wants without reacting to what she does. Ignore the divorce for now. If she brings it up, repeat that you don't want it, don't want to talk about it and maybe ask her to put it on hold or dismiss it (especially if she complains about your tough answer to her complaint).
Last week I suggested a temporary pull back on Friday and telling her to give you space because you were devastated by her filing as part of a strategy whereby sunday, when I thought you two were spending time together you could then pursue her. You not BEING devastated only make the strategy an easier sell. Remember, the second part of distancing is pursuing. This is supposed to be a dance and Defacto isn't dancing at all...just distancing.
In the alternative, go party with you wife and her girlfriend. Have a good time. Don't be serious. You want the girlfriend to tell your wife the next day that she's nuts to let you go. Invite yourself (as if) if you have to because your wife probably won't presuming you wouldn't want to. She could say no and then you just say, "well, I'll be at this place for a while if you and girlfriend want to come on by". They'll probably come by because your wife is still having second thoughts AND because she's dying to know what the heck has got into you and whether their might be another woman involved. She'll be compelled to track you down so don't ask desperately, just ask her as though she's a friend.
You can't recover if you don't spend time together. I'm not saying you have to recover. You can and will be happy either way. You will make it. But if you still feel like trying, don't let the opportunity pass you by.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
