if it's too late why is he still here?

[mahhhty]

It is great to hear from you. I am sorry you are struggling. I know how that feels. I had all of this, the anger, the how's, the why's. Honestly, I still carry those with me today. Posting more will help, please do not get lost in your situation and not remember the path forward. You know what it is.... Do what works. Have a plan. Analyze yourself, and when things don't work try something different. 180s. GAL. STFU.

The best advice my coach gave me was to "be a cat, not a puppy!" I liked that....

This is good advice. And very similar to acting As If.

I am starting to get more angry...again with how he has handled this (is handling this). Of course that does involve a lot of mind reading. He seems to be happy....

You don't know what he is. Happy. Sad. Anything. Nor does it matter. He is not the person you married. Your best friend needs to be the Serenity Prayer.... God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

You can change this. But you need to take the first step, and most of the steps after that. He will not help you. He is not your husband. He is someone else that you don't fully know or understand.

I guess I'm just trying to sort some things out, I don't want to give up on my marriage but he did that a long time ago. If I could figure out how to detach while he is still living here that would help. I also spend a lot of time asking why and how which is not helpful.

These things are not helpful, but should be expected. When you are feeling like [censored] ask yourself what you can do to be happier... then do it! You need to ask yourself if you want to save your marriage, and if you do.... then buckle up and take the steps necessary. You will need to take the steps by yourself, and let go from what he is or isn't doing.

This is your journey. Take it where you want to go.

I believe attacking this is a 180 for you. I'm not saying to attack divorce but to attack the situation. Any thought to confronting him with something like this.....
"H - You have obviously thought about this. I totally agree that our marriage is completely unsatisfying. This decision to divorce rather than work on ourselves and our marriage is not a course of action that I condone or agree with. It will come at the expense of our family, everything we know and the relationships we have with our children. However, I don't want to continue to live without a partner. As divorce decisions are purely unilateral in nature, I ask is there anything you believe we could do to work on ourselves and our marriage?"