My exhausting life part 3

[NDY]

Yeah NDY, it was kind of a relief to at least get that part over with.

So my W is a teacher and is off for the summer. She has been ironically leaving the house about half an hour before I get home with D2 and she never says anything about when they will get home or anything. Should I let this slide or say something? It infuriates me she knows my time with D2 is limited on weekdays and she still does this. I'm not sure what to say where it doesn't come across as me being angry. I think she does this to bait me

IDK buddy but if it was me I'd be saying to her that she can't do that. Not sure how to say or word it but that's not on. Your time with D2 is important so you need to set a boundary right there. Still hoping a vet can chip in here cos you really need one.

Perhaps the posts from wonka on my thread may help? WW has now agreed to a schedule. Some talk about using calanders etc. what ever works but this isn't fair on you or D2.

But be cool. Cos you are cool. All that PMA is overflowing right now. Yes? She will try and press your buttons. Mine is doing it all the time.

[Kembo05]

I let it go. She texted me and told me she was eating dinner with her cousin and they would be back later. She still didn't get home until it was time for D2 to go to bed but I am hoping her cousin was telling her what she was doing was immature and selfish. The cousin's brother had been through a real tough divorce and they ended up re-marrying. My wife seemed to be sad and depressed when she got back so hopefully she heard some truthful things from her cousin. I hope that was the case, but I'm not expecting it.

I plan on talking with W about setting up a schedule later this week.

They LOVE pressing those button NDY. I think they do it so they can justify their hate and bitterness towards us.

[Kembo05]

Just looking for motivation; there is little interaction with W and me. I have been doing great with GAL and somewhat decent with detaching. How do I show a loving attitude when there is little/no interaction. I can tell my W is not happy, just in general, I just hope my attitude is that of being approachable if she ever does have the desire to talk to me. In general, or hopefully about our relationship.

I'm just nervous she thinks i have completely moved on and there isn't any use in trying to talk to me. Fine line between pursuit and distancing yourself I think.

[Matt777]

Kem -

I keep thinking like that too. I've reached a point of about as little contact with my W as truly possible. I haven't initiated a conversation with her in just about 2 months. The way I see it is that I'm not distancing myself - I'm not standoffish or rude during our interactions. I'm just not pursuing her anymore. I think if she wants to talk to me, she can find me.

Stay strong, Kembo

[Kembo05]

Thanks Matt, we haven't had any detailed convo since I was served at the beginning of the month. It's definitely a struggle to not do a temp check on her. I just think at this point she will see it as pursuing and it will blow up in my face.

Hopefully my actions don't come across as standoffish or rude, I don't know how they would...

[NDY]

Kem, you've read my thread. What a discussion. Right?

So I recon the meassage here is there is a time to make a point and a time to pursue. Now is the time to make a point. And that point is to yourself. The whole 'acting as if' thing to me has a deep meaning. While the wife is wayward there isn't much you can do. You can either be consumed by it or better yourself. You know I struggle. You and I contribute on each other's threads but there is one thing that resonates around here is the W needs to respect the H. Just read Sandi's threads over and over again.

I believe there may be a time in the future when the pursuit can happen. You will always be an option to your W but our objective here is to become plan A, not plan B. Stick on the path.

[Kembo05]

Thanks NDY, I needed that.

[NDY]

Glad it helps mate. Don't think for a minute I don't want to pursue my w, I do but I also know it won't work. Not right now anyway.

[Kembo05]

So W texted me earlier and asked what time I would be home, I told her "I should be home at 5/530." well I get home literally at 5:42 and she says "I thought you were going to get home at 5-5:30? So I politely respond and say my work took a little longer to get done. I don't want to make it a big deal so I just engage with D2 and start to play with her. I go back to the bedroom to put my bag up and she follows me back there and says "we were just at my cousins playing and we left to make sure D2 would be here when you said you would" So I just told her I can tell she was upset, it just took longer to leave than expected.

My W is NOTORIOUS for being late...ALWAYS. I can't believe that's the kind of stuff she now gets upset with me about. I didn't let it phase me, I am guessing she is trying to bait me. If she is reaching for something that petty I would like to think my attitude and behavior has been pretty positive lately, which is probably driving her nuts. So ignored the bait and took the D2 and dog to the park, my D2 flew her first kite and she loved it. And it made my night to hear her on the swing saying "daddy im having sooooo much fun" I feel sorry for my W she is so wrapped up in her selfish world she can't experience these moments with me.

[PigPen]

Good work Kembo, sounds like she was looking for any reason to get you to engage her and you pulled it off perfectly.

No argument and a great night with your D2 at the park. Sounds like a successful outcome to me.

It's the little victories that we all need from time to time.