Ripken - WW filed for Divorce and I moved Out #5

[Ripken8]

Thanks so much RAI, Defacto, Matt, Zephyr and Bob! It always means so much knowing you guys are there!

Update:

Had a great weekend. Was able to spend a lot of time with friends and then of course father's day with my sons. WW took them last week to pick out a gift for me and they made me a card. I texted ww to thank her for doing so and that she didn't have to do that. Iphone showed she read my text, but never responded.

Had fun at the zoo with sons, watched some tv shows we enjoy and spent time at the pool by ourselves, it was a really good day.

Now, after dropping them off this morning and coming back to work, I'm coming down a little bit and feeling alone a little more. I'm trying to think of some GAL activities for this next weekend, as it's my off weekend and I know if I don't line things up, I get more anxious and right now need to stay busy.

Really, I just wish the pain would stop. Seems like after every good thing, it's only a matter of time before I come back down again. I want off the roller coaster.

[Ripken8]

Ugh. This day keeps getting worse. Work is not going so hot and my GAL plans are dwindling.

Also, got a letter from my www attorney that she is NOT agreeing to our financial proposal and wants more money that I can afford or budget for. Not sure what to do and my attorney is saying there's not much we can do, just have to pay her.

This is going downhill, fast.

[Wonka]

Rip,

If I were you, I'd instruct the L to take it to the Court and let the judge decide. Your L will really need to lay out the financial impact on you and appeal to the Judge's sense of fairness.

[Ripken8]

Yeah, I guess Wonka - just worried about the extra court costs. Also, Lawyer isn't sure that we'd win if it went to a hearing. Really worried what happens if I go that route and lose.

[Wonka]

Has your L drawn up some document that clearly shows that you'll be just treading water if you were just to fork over all that money to W? What about custody?

[Ripken8]

Right now still in the discovery phase and will need to furnish ALL records for both of us. The kicker is 40% of my income is commissions/bonuses which are NOT guaranteed, however they want to base my payment assuming that I hit those all the time.

Also, I have been GAL and spending more money out with friends and others. That pattern over the last month won't work in my favor, but I was just trying to do things to keep me busy and stay sane.

As far as custody, we are 100% 50/50 - 2 days on, 2 days off and every other weekend. So you would think that would factor. Even with that, they are asking that my child support and alimony payment to ww each month is MORE than she has as take home. So, she essentially gets a 100% raise off me . . .

[HeavyD]

Ripken

I was reading over your sitch. I am so sorry you are in pain and hainvg a hard time. I feel for you.

I will say a prayer and hope things pick up for you.

Your friend

Heavy

[Ripken8]

Need the group's help on this - BIG TIME. Since doing DB - I've noticed changes in me and am proud of those changes - that's why we do this. I get it. However, she's not coming back. Still having the affair, filed and pushing the divorce, has taken lead on selling the house (now on market), taken lead on telling the kids and fine with no contact from me.

The go dark, 180 and GAL is helping me, but any relationship or contact with her has gotten progressively worse. She spews and is MAD and emotional at me - all normal I know.

While these things help me, I wonder how this helps the divorce proceedings. Her and her attorney are asking for a lot and my attorney seems to think they will get it and maybe more. IF that's the case, the only way I see that changing is if she agrees to negotiate with me.

The only silver lining in this is from the start we both agreed to 50% joint custody and that has been laid out from both attorneys and we both have been abiding by it no question. As much as she is hurting and hates me, there still a part of her that respects me as a father and wouldn't use the kids against me. If that part is still there, maybe being open with her and talking with her about finances could appeal to the other parts and help her see I'm not deserving of a messy divorce and neither of us should want that.

However, if I stay dark and justlet the lawyer handle things, it does make things easier for the next 4-5 months, but I'm worried it could screw me financially for the next 4-5 years.

What is the group's thoughts on inviting ww to lunch to talk about this and see if we can compromise? To tell her I want to pay her a fair amount and NOW. Also, I'm not the bad guy and we don't have to fight like this. I want to be as ammicable as possible.

I realize this is different than advice I've been given previously but from what I've seen over the past month, our contact has only been worse, she's stewing and emotional and as she's the one leading the charge in everything and seems to have all the cards, I'm not sure how sticking my head in the sand helps.

[MrBond]

Does she want to talk with you? You say she's angry all the time ( from guilt). So why would she want to talk to you? Who said you're putting your head in the sand? Are you afraid of her? You only " think" she holds all the cards because you gave her that power. What do you want in the D to protect you and your kids? Have you told your L?

[Ripken8]

I'm not sure if she wants to talk to me, I haven't asked. She has said over these last 4 weeks TWICE that when I don't talk, she assumes it's because I don't care (going dark). So she gets pissed and pretty much takes a her against me approach.

I say I'm putting my head in the sand because that's how it feels. I never gave her that power, the law and state guidelines give her that power. She can pretty much rake me over the coals because of how much more I earn than her AND that in KS, affairs mean nothing - no fault.

I want alimony and child support to be less than what they are proposing and the only way that would be is if SHE agrees to it. I don't see that happening lawyer vs lawyer because her lawyer would never advise her to do so, because they feel she can get more.

THAT'S why I'm asking about me and her 1:1 so she can here from me and not her attornery