Need to stop pushing

[Pyrite]

NDY - i got spewed all over for taking down our wedding portraits. I asked her if she wanted me to put them back up. she paused and said no. "So whats the problem then." No answer. About face in a huff.

No expectations right.

[NDY]

Morning folks. Thanks again for chipping in.

So the lesson? I know I'm not fully detached. Need to work on that. Double standards? Expect that. It's the fact she can't control her emotions in front of S9 that really bugs me.

[Huddy]

Morning NDY

Spewfest unjustified. Those 'inspirational' message posters get on your nerves, don't they? She's made the choice to go, so tough.

She needs to get a grip in front of your S though. I think WAS's think this is proving a point. At the end of the day, your S will look back at this time and have poor feelings for your W.

I always thought those art deco style posters were quite nice, especially the ones you can get from the Loch Lomond National Park shop. They'd look nice on the walls!

[MrBond]

"There was about a dozen pictures all full of 'inspirational' messages. It was like a MLC all overall my walls an I hated them, one or two yes. But the place was covered in them. I needed to not see that every time I went to either the hall or the kitchen."

Seems pretty petty you taking them down. They could just have easily been used by you for inspiration. You can't keep being triggered by minor things like that.

[NDY]

"There was about a dozen pictures all full of 'inspirational' messages. It was like a MLC all overall my walls an I hated them, one or two yes. But the place was covered in them. I needed to not see that every time I went to either the hall or the kitchen."

Seems pretty petty you taking them down. They could just have easily been used by you for inspiration. You can't keep being triggered by minor things like that.

Thanks for the input Mr Bond. It may well be petty.

[MrBond]

What do YOU do to get inspired? Stick to that.

Actually, if you read those quotes she put up, they all "speak" to her in some way. You can use that to your advantage to understand what she's feeling and thinking. Use them as a weapon. A key that lets you see what she is like inside. For example, if the quote has something to do with exploring new places, you know she wants adventure or to travel. Use it to your advantage.

[NDY]

what about quotes that are all about 'Life doesn't have to be perfect but it does need to be great' or about 'forgiveness' or about 'Today is going to be a great day' or the definition of 'Liove', 'Fun' etc and dozens of other examples just like that. It's very mixed up in my mind as it seems to be a reflection of someone that is deeply unhappy (Yea, I already know she's unhappy). So I get how they speak to her, I do but I don't know what to do with that information.

[MrBond]

"and dozens of other examples just like that."

And they are all clues.

"It's very mixed up in my mind as it seems to be a reflection of someone that is deeply unhappy (Yea, I already know she's unhappy)."

Actually I don't see that. I see it as someone who wants a change. The things about wanting a "great" life means she wants to live with no regrets. So think about what things she may have regretted in the past doing. You never specified the other quotes so you're going to have to interpret them in the context of what you know about your W.

You could actually 'live' those quotes in your GAL.

"So I get how they speak to her, I do but I don't know what to do with that information."

Use your head and think.

Imagine you're Sherlock Holmes. You OBSERVE different clues (her actions, the quotes, what she says, etc.) and you come up with a deduction which will help you to come up with a plan of action. That's why listening and validation are very important. You actually have to "understand" her. Why do you think she has such a connection with the OM? She feels he "understands" her. He is probably just shutting up, listening intently (more like acting) to her with eye contact, etc, and agreeing (validating) what she says.

THAT is how you seduce her mind.

[NDY]

Putting the OM to the side for a minute her biggest regret seems to be settling into the suburban lifestyle which, to her at least is too mundane and routine. This has been consistent from BD right through to her actions now.

When I returned to the house she basically went 'out' constantly. Clubbing etc. This is the sort of thing we used to do when we were younger but with a kid and a mortgage that all slid by the wayside.

But we also didn't replace it with anything either. She felt stuck but also living a double life because her job is quite exciting and she does travel a lot and stays in fantastic locations. Then comes home to the boring life again.

I know we stopped making time for each other. That I get and it didn't happen overnight. It happened over a period of time.

[MrBond]

You know, you have a knack for seeing the negative in things and feeling like there's nothing you can do or learn. It's so fixable but I can't handhold you. I"lol move on then if you don't need the help. Good luck