Hello Everyone! It has been some time since I have been regularly posted here. Me I am 40 W is 38, S is 13 and has Asbergers Syndrome and I have a D9. We have been together 18 years.
Previously we were having marital problems that stemmed from my career and the fact she was basically raising the kids on her own. I read the DB/DR books and now am the primary care giver for my family due to the wife's schedule.
S13 was diagnosed with Asbergers about a year ago. W has started drinking more to the point where she is now a self described alcoholic. She started see a counselor and attend AA meetings and has now been doing so for a couple of months.
S13 was using her IPad and came across some messages from OM, when I asked her about it she told me he was a member of the AA group and that they were only friends. W's schedule has now changed so attending the same AA meetings with the OM now is not convenient (used to go from work to AA meetings and then home).
The confusing part is that we are doing more as a family and that things between us have become calm. Money used to be a huge push button issue and we have been able to talk about it without raising our voices. She has also been more affectionate and we are still regularly intimate. She has asked me to do more activities with her and wants me to start working out with her.
Fast forward to Monday she is home and drunk. Focus at that point is to get dinner done, get the house in order and talk with the kids. S13 then decides to snoop and reads some emails between OM and her. He then decides to read them aloud which state, "I miss you and want you in my arms."
Will not allow my kids to get involved with this or anything between me and her so I take the IPad turn it off and tell him I sent them to her.
We then were up early today and I confronted her about this. Totally denied it all. Would not let me look at her email. Eventually told me she was unhappy at home so she started to drink and then started texting him because she has no one else to talk to. Told me she does dumb stuff when she drinks.
Asked her when was the last time she saw OM and told me weeks ago, but she seems to email him when she is loaded. It seems to be more of an emotional affair than physical, but honestly I don't know.
When we first were having issues it was easy to put my effort into being the best dad that I could be in the event that were would go our separate ways. Right now I understand that I still have to do this with the kids, but the white elephant in the room is the OM.
I thought about leaving, but I am a bit concerned with the affect that would have on my S13. Kids who have Asperger's syndrome do not handle change well. I left for a short walk yesterday and he had a major temper tantrum, destroyed his room and I had to calm him down.
Right now there is no talk of stopping communication with OM. We are supposed to be going away this weekend for a family wedding, but right now this is the last thing I want to do.
I have re-read the topics here on affairs and don't know what to do. For now it feels like a punch in the gut. This is the first suspected affair. We left this morning and I gave her a hug. The thought of doing anything else made me sick to my stomach. I just don't know what to do.
