I thought everything was okay....(Part 6)

[MCS]

Hey all,

Thanks for checking in. I'm doing good still. It feels like things are back to normal-ish. I find myself not dwelling over things I once used to. The pain is still there and I see that there is still some deep down anger as a parent about what has happened to our kids. Objectively looking back, our marriage had little conflict or issues at all. I believe this is still a case of a kindred spirit that didn't adapt to the ebb and flow of life. This is not saying there were things that I wouldn't change and I am working on them. However, my anger seems to lie on the fact that I never had a chance to work on the marriage together with her. I look back and I was fooled into thinking everything was okay. I've accepted that with me, but with kids it's still a very tough pill to swallow.

In saying that, I've adjusted. Most people say I seem much better than I have since this all started and I do feel that way.

Talking about the new Relationship:
For me, it's an interesting dichotomy. One one hand, connecting and getting to know someone is refreshing, but also the reminders of situations, environments, discussions, etc. that are nostalgic of my M are still somewhat sorrowful. I lost my younger sister a few years back and the same feelings of sorrow seem to be prevalent in these situations. However, just like grief of a death, the reminders are not paralyzing and are more of a reminder of the past instead of a roadblock to the future.

It's good, because we are both dealing with our own sitches separately but helping each other along the way. We've talked and know we can't solve the others' problems and I see this as personal growth in how I react/advise about her sitch. I do a lot more listening, hold back from solving and also I see myself reducing any judgement of things. Also, I find myself saying what's in my mind. I found that no fault of my WW in the M, but I became muted in expressing myself and that probably exsaserbated WW issues in the marriage. If I thought she looked good, I assumed she knew and wouldn't say anything. Now I see that was not wrong, but also not good.

With the kids and communication with WW, it's still an Epic struggle, but I realize it is getting ever so slightly better. She had the kids for Father's Day and would have appreciated if she had set up a call or text from them (she would have done this for anyone before.) I'm not sure if it was to hurt me, she didn't think about it or whatever else, but I got them back and was heading with them on vacation today so I tried not to let it bother me. I'm at the point that I'm stoic enough to pick the battles for things with the kids and this wasn't one of them. I have no clue how she is actually doing, but that doesn't really matter much right now. No more talk about her putting papers in for the S. I'm expecting them and won't be too surprised or traumatized if/when I get them.

So overall, much better. I'm still healing and I'm not sure how long if ever that will take, but I'm in a much better place right now.