I feel like I had an opportunity.. I worked hard, DB'ed my tail off... then had, in the grasp of my hands, an opportunity. And blew it.
Mighty - I think this is the crux of your current troubles. You think that somehow, if you had done something different, when ex poked his head out of the tunnel, he might have stayed.
This is a FALSE IDEA. His was not a true reconciliation, but just a temporary peek out of the MLC tunnel. While it's nice that you had it - at least you got the satisfaction of hearing some regrets, and that the OW wasn't all that - NOTHING you could have done at that time would have prevented him from going back into the tunnel. HE didn't do the work, he STILL isn't owning anything, and there could not have been any repair of the marriage if he didn't get to that point.
So - number one - stop blaming yourself for somehow missing an opportunity. There was no opportunity - it was a false alarm.
Number two - you are afraid to let go because you don't have a clear vision of the future. You hardly dated before him, so you have no life experience to draw on that tells you "There are other fish in the sea". But trust me - there ARE - LOTS. You will find love again when you are ready for it. And when you do, you will wonder why you wasted so much time mooning over ex.
Number 3 - even if he came crawling back to you on his knees tomorrow, you really wouldn't want him back. Not after the lack of character he has demonstrated, and not with the baggage of HWW for the next 20 years.
The affirmations from your in-laws, and ex's own words during his brief pop out of the tunnel, should reassure you that this WAS NEVER ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE NOT LACKING - EX IS.
