I was wondering about the Retrouaville getaway and how you guys felt about it.
It goes to show you that all of this NEVER about you. All of that angst is all on us and we're wading through that chit like swimming in molasses.
We all look to you, the LBS, as a beacon that reassures us that you're still there while we're flailing about in those deep, dark waters. I still loved Ms. Wonka throughout my crisis and it was comforting to me to see her there.
If Ms. Wonka was a strong Stander like you, I would have found my way back to her when my fog lifted. Ah well.
We both came away with very strong positive feelings about it ... are we all better, no .... but there is now 'hope' as so many shared, W also said she has hope ... we also shared that this point last year, sure we could have used the weekend but it would have been ineffective, reading couples body language and the amount one spouse was putting into it vs the other you could see it was not probably sinking in as desired. I will say W was VERY engaged and for the first time I felt that "I am committed to this M" talk she gave back in Mar ... I actually witnessed it this weekend ... again .. believe none of what they say and 50% of what they do ... came into play, in her book she wrote about how she could earn/rebuild trust ... big bold underlined words "ACTIONS not WORDS"
I always have felt I'm the lighthouse, and yes .. throughout her crisis and even more-so now she looks towards me for guidance ... I realize somethings I can gently nudge .. others she must figure out on her own but I am here ... I think that part is very important to her. She shared the OM draw was he was nice and interested in her. Hard to hear for me but I was frustrated and angry (there is some truth tucked up in there)... and learning the tools from the weekend she and I now know we tried to share feelings but the way we did that ... neither one of us was listening .. more about our own agendas rather than the other persons feelings.
As we have shared ... those lifeless shark eyes, were gone for most the weekend .. there was one session they returned and she went off on this crazy tangent ... but she did return quickly ... was really strange watching this and I realized that it must have been horrible to LIVE that way as long as she did.
Hi CaliGuy, I am so encouraged by what you experienced over the weekend. Good work!
Is there any follow-up or extra teaching that they provide?
They call it .. "Finish the Post" I do not have the schedule in front of me but yeah its for the next 3 months ... 4 hour sessions we have one next Saturday, and from what I recall its about every other week after that I think. The statistic was 80-90% of those who finished the "post" saved the marriage ... nationally only about 50% of the weekend couples would finish the post, our area bragged that they have a 70% graduation rate.
Ever think about getting the 5LL book for Mrs. Cali? I think she would be very receptive to it.
I actually told her about this, explained for me my LL is physical touch which she confused with sex, I have it loaded on the iPad, she is currently reading a book on Forgiveness our priest gave her. She has been really Mrs Self Help book to a point I do not think she has finished a single book, so I just feel she is overwhelmed.
We discovered she is a perfectionist .. I should say she discovered I have been on the wrong end enough to clearly know this ... which raised an important issue, she will often start something but rather than finish it .. she will leave things undone so if there is any criticism she can claim "I'm not finished yet" rather than have to admit its not "perfect" .... was an interesting angle on this and one I see now was a bit issue in our old marriage.
Hi Cali. I have been looking forward to hearing about your weekend. I love that W is sharing how she felt, in the fog, crazy that it seems to match the MLC manual. I am glad to hear you liked the trip. I will keep it in mind, just in case!
Where in Cali was it?
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Hi Cali. I have been looking forward to hearing about your weekend. I love that W is sharing how she felt, in the fog, crazy that it seems to match the MLC manual. I am glad to hear you liked the trip. I will keep it in mind, just in case!
Where in Cali was it?
This one was here in San Diego .. local for us .. about 45 minute drive ... some people came as far as from Arizona. As I shared with my W I think a few did it on a panic move .. What you are leaving, wait .. lets fix this now, booked the sooned weekend and headed out for it. I wanted so badly to had a couple people the DB book ... was happy it was recommended but wonder with all the info they poured into us if that actually reached anyone.
Honestly ... after going through the weekend and preparing for the "Post" ... No way would I ever stay in a M after a BD without it, it would be non-negotiable clear and simple, the weekend and all the Post meetings would have to be agreed upon. It was that good, I am concerned with how foggy W may be but she seemed very clear and a new person during the weekend. I am currently trying to not push, add pressure and taking it slow and seeing where we go from here but so far its been good ... its really hard to keep from wanting to jump right in ... but yeah ... patience, stay my course, let this play out is where I had to reset myself understanding this did not fix anything in just one weekend but it dive provide me with more tools to continue to DB.
Cali - I am so happy your weekend went well and you both found it a positive experience. It truly sounds like your w is making promising steps towards you.
You are a true inspiration to us all - the patience and understanding you are showing throughout the whole of your w MLC has been commendable - a testament to the power of Love, Faith, Belief and You.
Cali - you will get your happy ending, whatever that may be, as you have worked for it and you deserve it.
