The Dance of Uncertainty Continues...

[PigPen]

Thank you teach, I appreciate your words and prayer.

I do not want my old M back - it's dead for good reason. I was a miserable person in it and truly disliked myself. I've examined every possible way to change my life in order to be more present, happier, and a better partner to whomever that may be with.

Intimacy was something I thought I understood in my M. Now I feel like that's like knowing how to swim and then jumping in the pool with a high school water polo team and realizing that I had no idea of what it was.

To me it was all physical - hand holding, taking walks, cuddling up and watching a movie. I had no idea it was being able to tell my W things that scared me, that were wrong with me, and/or I wanted to change about myself. I thought I needed to keep all of that to myself, even if asked about it directly.

Unfortunately my dislike for myself affected how I acted with my W, who loved herself but didn't like our M - because of me. I understand her distance and understand her hesitancy to get back in a situation where my issues can negatively effect her.

I truly want the opportunity to create a new relationship with my W. Just the opportunity.

Listening will happen. Lots of it. Lots and lots of it.