Trying to stay focus on me.....this is a challenge

[RosaLinda]

Hey Cindy, good job starting a new thread

From your last thread: I wanted to share my new favorite saying:
Be soft
Do not let the world make you hard.
Do not let the pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.

That's a great saying, almost like a prayer! I love it! And you know what -- forgiveness and detaching are the means you can use to achieve this goal. We're gonna keep working on that until you are strong and healed and whole again. I promise!

From your last thread: The thing that I know he doesn't communicate with these girls is that he wants to be alone with no responsibilites & no one to report to & he certainly not moving in with anyone. He wants total freedom and they are looking for a longterm relationship when is not at all. They will be surprised when they realize that he wants nothing serious.

I believe that is pretty intuitive on your part. These women, especially since they are younger, probably want marriage and a family. But the responsibilities of a real life relationship are what your H is trying to escape from right now. He is really playing with fire by dating several girls from his job. It's sort of shortsighted and incautious for him to assume they won't compare notes, and when they do, I predict fireworks LOL

How did your daughters make out meeting the OW this weekend? It's so sad when these sort of things happen and cause the kids to lose respect for their cheating parent. They will need your support more than ever now, and need to know they did not cause this rift between their dad and you, and that both of you love them very much. I'm awfully glad that you are not bad mouthing your H to the girls. It's sort of hard, huh? But so important to be a good example of class, honor and dignity for them, and let THEM judge him by his actions and make their own decisions.

From your last thread: While there is no excuse for cheating on one's spouse, have you thought about what went wrong in your marriage? What mistakes did you make? What things about yourself do you think you need to change? What things about yourself do you love and want to be sure you DON'T change?

I am not asking in the context of what you think you need to do in order to win your husband back, am I asking about YOU.

This is the hard work of DBing Cindy, the self-introspection that is going to turn you into the woman only a fool would leave Patient Man, Matt, Teach and Pyrite have all given excellent examples and helpful questions regarding The Process here. Remember we talked about your goals a bit, and you described yourself as a "planner, organizer, fixer, rescuer"? Have you thought any more about how you can change that about yourself? It was the hardest thing for me to step back and stop trying to fix and rescue everyone, and I am still working on it to this day.

I'm glad you are on a mission ( ) to look at what was not working in your marriage and what your H was trying to say that he needed. Were any of his complaints valid? They might not all be -- remember I told you my ex suddenly decided I was too short. It sounds ridiculous (and rather embarrassing) to me now, but don't you know I went out and bought myself a couple of pairs of 4" heels to appear taller LOL But to tell you how dopey that complaint was and how even dopier me trying to fix it was, his OW (now fiancée) is 2" shorter than I am. Go figure!

What did you do this weekend? Did you get out in your new kayak?