I am sorry but I just can't do the cake eat family festival with her now. Maybe one day but not now. I feel that makes me a less evolved and lesser than but I just can't do it. It is too emotionally painful.
Being around my W right now is just so painful and always ends badly. We have tried it a few times and it just does not work. My W will snipe at me, throw jabs at me, I won't talk to her and down it goes. I don't want the kids to see that. Why is she so freaking ANGRY? She got what she wanted. She got the AP and the life she wanted. Its like she is ANGRY that I exist. I am the source of all of her problems and have been for years.
Like you, I did everything I could to no rock the boat, conflict avoider, passive agressive, I just took her anger for years until I would finally explode. Then we would have a massive argument with her always saying - this is it - I am leaving. When she said that I would calm down and back off.
My W is oblivious to the damage she has caused to all of us and wants to just carry on. Still no empathy or expression of sorrow (except when she wanted me to drop my L).
I honestly don't know if I will make it to the other side of this. Its almost at the the 1 year mark (rounding up) and I have read that it takes about 2 years to feel normal again.
Normal... I do't know if I will ever feel normal. Maybe not, maybe the answer is just to live with this - kind of like a cancer that is walled off. You can still live with cancer (certain types) but it can be walled off so you can still live your life.
