I know I need to prepare for the worst and move on like I don't need her but where do you find the strength each day to face this? The only people that know are my family so far, everyone at work is expecting the same person but it is very hard to pretend.
I won't try to tell you how you should feel, but I will tell you that the hardest things I have had to find strength, was sometimes an hour by hour journey. Loss, addiction, grief, healing.....anything that throws your life upside down is major pain and your mind, body, and spirit has to have time to adjust. Break down the time frame of finding strength. Think of just getting through this hour. Some hours are better than others. You work to get through it the best you can. If a hard cry will give release, then find a private place to cry. Maybe give yourself permission for so many minutes? If you need alone time, get off to yourself. Just don't become a hermit. You have to gradually become a part of the living again.
Depending on the job, it may be a good idea to inform your closest coworker, or boss, that you are dealing with personal problems. Not to discuss it with them, but so that they will understand if your work output is not 100%. If you work with your spouse.....then you may not be able to do that.
When you feel the burden of pretense (especially everywhere) it can get to be too heavy. I don't think it is a matter of pretending your life is roses. Those you work closest with may see that you aren't really yourself. You don't have to give details or even tell them anymore than that you are going through a difficult time and hope they will be patient while you get it together.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
