Trying to stay focus on me.....this is a challenge

[Pyrite]

Ok - so I just lost my copy-paste in my browser But I was going to ask ---- you haven't answered the question yet from Patient Man and echoed by others - what went wrong in your M?

The point being that although this is a horrible time, it is also an opportunity, an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. It may not save your M, but it will save your life, or improve your life.

What are your H's complaints? Why does he need space? Is it just MLC? Or are there things which maybe you could improve? Maybe if you do, and show this consistently, he will think twice about D.

For e.g., in my case my W was unhappy in the M. A work "friend" (VISA hungry predator) seduced her. She was unhappy in the M because I was depressed. My depression was the result of suppressed resentment. Resentment for W. I didn't feel loved, wanted or desired, and subconsciously I was checking her every move for signs she was meeting my expectations which never (rarely) occurred.

Now, this may all have been valid. She may indeed not have genuinely loved,wanted desired me. The problem was that this started a feedback loop. She didn't meet my expectations. I got shirty and moped around. So of coarse, she was less inclined, or attracted to be with me. So my problem, which is the only problem that I can address is that I let it get to me.

After months of nothing but hard work on myself, I have come to the realisation that my core beliefs are screwed. I have a low self opinion and NEEDed the validation, most of all from my W, that I was worthy, desirable, loveable. This is not a healthy way to be.

My W is in love with OM and STBX. DB has helped me to forgive, and not hold anger in my heart for her. It doesn't seem likely, but if she ever wants to R, if we can ever be friends, if we can ever have a romantic relationship again, I am open to it. I am not going to rule it out and get through this by turning my heart against her an spitefully exclude any possibility of a R.

Everything that happened is on my head as well. I want to "fix" those things that "I" contributed to the failure of the M. I need to fix these things to be an attractive option for her, but more importantly so I can have a healthy future.

This could be all on your H's head, but just think about it. Report on what his grievances are. Why does he want space?