So, out of curiosity, in the event my H were to indicate to me that he has decided he does want to D, what are some suggestions for responding? I could be wrong, but I have a gut feeling this might happen this week. Regardless, if this were to happen at some point, it is likely to be a real time event that I will not have time to come on here for advise before having to respond. Hoping my gut is wrong!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
H is out of control. Comes home from trip at 4am, but should have been home around 2am. I don't really care what he was doing, but woke me up and I have to get up at 530am for bootcamp. Just inconsiderate. Asked him if everything was ok and he just raged back at me. I said good night and no response. I asked why he was so angry at me. No response. I just went back to bed after that. Why is he so full of hate? I am just going to put on a smile and ignore it, but will be a challenge if he keeps this up.
Last edited by BW05; 06/22/1511:48 AM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
In the early stages of MLC, many of the MLCers are full of rage. They are angry at themselves, their lives, what they've missed out on (or so they think), the spouse and the marriage. The anger has been pent up for many, many years and when the switch is flipped, the volcano erupts and they spew for a long time. Heck, he could have been angry that the stars weren't aligned in the sky. They are very, very emotional during the crisis and they can't control those emotions for a long time to come.
If you have not read some of the postings over on the MLC Forum, I suggest you do so...that way you have a better idea of what takes place for many of them. The best thing to do is just leave him be and do not fuel his fire. When he's like that, the best thing to do is give him his space to settle down. BTW, they are very selfish, inconsiderate and it's all about them now. No one else matters but themselves.
If he announces he's filing for divorce, you may want to say "I'm sorry you feel that it is necessary, it's not what I want, but I will not stand in your way". If you were to argue w/him, he will be that more determined to follow thru.
I'm sorry he's in the spewing, anger stage. The best thing to do is get out of his way and allow him to fight in the ring w/himself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, It have been reading lots of MLC info so I knew there was going to be anger. I want to help but no I can't. Hard to see someone you love in so much pain, but at the same time I want throw something at him. It is just craziness and so destructive. Thank goodness for GAL and detaching.
So should I not even try say hi, hello., goodnight? Total silence?
Also, I assume they can go back and girth between anger and replay? It seems he has already been in anger, but maybe anger stays in replay.
Last edited by BW05; 06/22/1501:14 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BW05, I feel you, I am in the exact same stage with my H, last weekend he mad a mess of things that cause my youngest daughter (20 y) to not talk to me & her sister. He always makes things complicated & that things that don't make sense. I completely understant your frustration. It is very hard on us seening them self-distruct. For us we are separated but it's basicly the same. It's very hard to know what to do or say when.....
In my opinion, don't even say anyting, even hello, goodnight or nothing only because for me at the moment my voice to him makes him angrier and doesn't want to hear it. So, if Im wrong anyone, correct me please.
Work from home, so I left the MLC monster in peace since he was still home and sleeping. It did cross my mind to run the blender, vacuum, and music all at once. Decided to work from coffee shop instead.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BW05----That's funny about the blender but good choice....I feel revengeful a lot too lately but I can't go that low....I want to sleep at night & I don't want my girls to see me go that low.
Yesterday I felt was a success. I decided to take myself out of the equation by being out of the house when H got up. About when I would expect H home, I took off to a coffee shop. We crossed paths on my way driving there and I know he saw me. When I got home he was in his room. He walked by room multiple times and I made no attempts to acknowledge or engage his presence. Off for my morning walk!!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
