You know, at the beginning of this, there is always a warning: its a long road. And, it's a tough one. Lots of ups, downs, twists & turns. I thinks it's impossible for anyone involved to come out unscathed.
I can't sleep. My mind is getting the best of me, but I'm implementing some of the things to help. But I am a bit all over the place, mentally. Emotionally.
I realize, God put us on two totally different paths. I have to acknowledge that. I have to respect it. For whatever reason, our paths seperated and this journey isn't about us anymore. Nor do we have room for eachother. It sad. It's difficult to see him on this with someone else.
It's really so unreal where his life is now. So, so, so much has happened on a relatively short amount of time.
I still question myself every day. All the time. Am I crazy? Am I really supposed to be this upset? Should it really hurt this much?
Tonight I wondered how many pieces a heart could break into? Seems like it's only small pieces left. Maybe why the break isn't so big now, so it hurts a little less with each remaining break. But how many more?
I was really doing so much better. I know I still am, and will carry on so. I just wonder if it will ever stop. I guess that's where I come in. When I stop letting it bother me. But... I try. I work really hard at moving on. Healing. Finding deeper meanings, wholeness... I've become more spiritual, faithful, centered, aware. I really work on it. I feel like every minute of every day. Yet, I don't see when this will ever stop hurting. When the breaks will cease.
Maybe it's just a bad night.
I have faith in the process. I am doing the work. I am giving it to God.
I pray for better things in my life. I try to give and be a person worthy of peace and happiness. When does it show up?
