"Where are s9's shoes, where is his brace, where is his XX etc...??? There was only 1 shoe in the bag etc... and when will I bring them over." She had asked that I pack and extra pair of shoes, which I did and his XX which I did.
I was at the movies and didn't get the text until several hours later. I texted and asked for our s9 to call me and I asked him what was up? He asked where his XX was. I said "Silly, it's in your bag, I told him exactly where in the bag his XX is. I had put it in his bag and safety pinned it inside the bag so it would not get lost.
W then calls and wants to know why I won't call her, beratng me for not packing the bag "correctly" etc... and why I won't talk to her. I said I told S9 where hs stuff was, just check the bag. She starts laughing at me and not in a kind kidding way but in a "you are so stupid and menacing way. I said I will talk to you later when we can discuss this more productively. Goodnight.
W then texts me back "Our children are not intermediators for us, call me. I view this as a theat that if I don't call her back then I am the problem and will "pay" for this transgression.
So at this point, I don't know what to do. I won't pick up the bait, call her and get into an argument with her. Especially since she yelled at me this morning.
I can't win. I was out GALing , STFU and generally just being polite but distant. Her reactions to me are I am always wrong, she berates everything I do, (pack, don't pack, plan, don't plan etc...)
It is so much easier with her out of my life, so much more peaceful. I wish she should would LEAVE ME ALONE at this point. Her week with kids, my week with kids. How hard can that be? Seriously, that is all I want now. She did a great job with our spreadsheet for whose week it is, we are flexible when work dictates a change, and that's it. That's all it is. None of ths is my choice, but I am weary of her bully tactics and maniulation and disrespect. Just go away and live your life. I am not stopping you.
As for GAL, I had a great massage, got some chakras cleaned today, met a friend for a movie and we went shopping and tomorrow a friend is coming over for dinner and some TV time. Sounds good to me.
W keeps texting me about missing items from kids bags. She asked me to pack another set of shoes, I did, 2 extra pair, but on one pair, only 1 shoe made it. He has the pair he has on, another pair and 1/2 of the 3rd pair. She wanted a specific pair of shoes but negelcted to mention that - so now she is mad I didn't pack the "right" set of shoes - his puma's.
I feel like she is making a mountain out of a molehill. Why do I let her emotions make me mad. I am trying very hard to not let that happen anymore but ..... working working working on it.
Do I need to respond to this??
She also texted asking for another day - Saturday, I am supposed to pick them up Friday.
Here is my suggested draft statement:
Regarding shoegate, I found the other shoe in the closet, I can bring it to work tomorrow. However, I think I understand you wanted the PUMA's? If so, I can bring those in.
Unfortunately, we have plans for Saturday, so I will pick the children up as usual on Friday.
Thanks
Does that sound too dry? Too artificial?
God, I am texted out with her. All of this text barrage over the weekend has left me emotionally drained. Feeling very low.
'Showgate'?? Baaad idea to even mention it in your text response. Jettison that word fer cryin' out loud.
Can you please let me know what you are looking for specifically so I can organize it and bring it tomorrow? We have plans on Saturday so I will pick the children up as usual on Friday.
Thanks for the reply. As for shoe gate I was just trying to be funny for a silly situation. It's hard to believe that this silliness has gotten me so upset.
Breathe ...... Yes every time she texts it elicits an emotional response / usually one based in fear and anger. The text about how happy she is with her AP really was the one that made me freak out. Gotta get over it.
Yes emails are better and Wonka your draft was perfect. I will use it.
Last weekend my stbx left D's bike helmet at his place. We needed it, I asked him about it. His response? No apology, just "maybe you can borrow from a neighbor"?
In other words, don't over think it. This is not a life or death sitch. These things happen-- they are the result of HER leaving and it's impossible to never make an honest mistake. Don't bend over backwards to solve it for HER. (If your son asks, that is different).
Definitely don't make a joke of it as that sounds condescending. But just be honest - it was an honest mistake, these things happen, maybe we can discuss a system to make the packing process go more smoothly next time. See you at pick up on Friday!
Easy breezy, not defensive and not doormat. Good luck.
I forgot to say Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads on this board - I so admire all of you and the efforts all of you are making to save your families and trying to become better men.
I sent the email that you worked up - thank you for that and the terse response email was:
Nevermind
lol
Rhetorical question - why do MLC ers have to be so durn hateful all the time! It's like she is Sybil. One minute she is MONSTER (90%) of the time and the rest (10%) of the time, she can actually seem normal. I just pretend to not notice and carry on.
I suspect that W realizes how ridiculous the request was and how twisted she was about the shoes. Sometimes asking neutral questions reveals, to them, how silly some of their comments/thoughts can be over such a minor issue.
You cannot help but laugh at this MLCer mind at work here.
They get hateful when the STRESS is at its highest level and they do really 'out of there' stuff. Remember that they can't stand pressure at all and want that gone NOW...whatever it takes.
