I have another post that is still open, but I started this new post because I need guidance on how I should respond to my H after six months of total silence.
Below is his email to me with the specifics removed:
Hi... I am back from XXXXXXX and my dad as you know is on his last breaths. I am planning to go next week end if I can. Can you help setting up the trip? Either thru XXXXXXX or other ways. Thanks.
So my H wants me to allow him to use a travel benefit that I receive because of the job I am currently in. Wow he has some b@&&$. No indication that he has not talked to me in 6 months, he has not asked how I am doing, he has not said ANYTHING to me at all! How do I respond?
I want to help him because if I do not, he will just purchase a ticket that will end up costing us more money anyway. I want him to see his dad and I don't want to make it hard right now because his dad is dying. I'm just not sure how I should respond without him thinking that I am a total pushover.
Let's step back and look at the big picture. H's father is dying and he's reaching out to ask for your help.
When my late father was dying in the last week of his life, I could barely handle more than what was already on my plate and had a close friend of mine handle some nitty gritty details. I simply asked her to do x, y, z for me and she just did them without any expectation.
Do the same for H. He's UNDER A LOT OF STRESS right now.
Why not show case a different gr8 and show him that you can be a support to H?
This isn't about you at all. Set aside your ego and pride.
Simply say sorry that it is a difficult time for him and that you would glady help H with trip details.
First, I feel bad for your H and sorry to hear about your FIL. But, wow he did not even ask how you have been or anything after 6 months of NC?? I am not sure how to respond. This one is tricky. I will let a vet chime in.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
This is what I really wanted to do but I wanted to make sure I wasn't going against any DBing. This is so delicate and I don't want to screw it up. You are right, I will not make this about me. I will take the high road. I know he has a lot on his plate right now.
Any suggestions on how I should respond? Keep it simple?
Thank you for your kind words BW05. Trying to figure this out. It is so hard to have FIL dying and H not talking to me. It puts me in an uncomfortable spot, but as Wonka said, this is not about me. Thank goodness for the wonderful vets online. I so appreciate all the support.
How about this? You can change it up to suit your style.
Hi HName,
I am so sorry to hear about FILName...my thoughts are with you and the family during this difficult time. I can only imagine that all of this cannot be easy for you at all.
Sure, I can help out with the trip. Let me get back to you soon with some options for you to look over and let me know your preference.
Gr8
Then you would want to look up flight details and then show him some flight schedule options so he can pick out the one that suits him the best.
Wonka, thank you for helping out gr8ful3. I was looking at the sitch earlier and didn’t know how to respond.
Gr8ful3, good luck!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I haven't posted in a couple of weeks but wanted to let you know that my H actually called me and asked for my assistance with his travel. His father had actually passed away at that point and I think your message showed that I was open to help. It was the first time in 6 months that he actually picked up the phone to call me and didn't do it over an email.
Wanted to thank you again for your assistance. I have been catching up with some other threads and think your advice is spot on.
Thank goodness for the wonderful vets online. I so appreciate all the support.