Advice Welcome, separating and W moving out soon..

[jedi]

Journaling, although nothing to really report today. Weather ended up being great last night, concert was fun, and I was tired all day from staying out too late on a 'school night'.

Ended up just sending W a picture of our two cats as a response to the text (she had asked about them as well), nothing more. She thanked me for sending. NC again today.

Ready to head into the weekend, not much actually planned and looking forward to that for a change.

[jedi]

Journaling for the weekend before I head out to a BBQ with some friends...

I find it funny how I think I'm detached, or at least getting there, but then something happens to show me I clearly have a long way to go. Yesterday, passed by W's car (parked) and then wondered for the next 5 hours what she was doing and who she was with. I tried to let it go because it doesn't matter, but it was oddly consuming.

This morning I received a text from W with a picture of our cats and a happy fathers day wish from them. For us, our cats were our 'fur children' so this may be weird to some, but was not out of the ordinary for us in the past. Regardless, I'm not sure why she would feel compelled to send this. We had a light exchange, friendly, and I'm trying to not read any more into this.

And as a side note, this resets the NC counter again. I would need to look back but I honestly thing we've not gone longer than 48 hours at this point, maybe 72 max. I find myself almost wishing it would go for a much longer period to help me detach, and to maybe help fuel a sense of loss and longing in W. Is that weird?

To All, enjoy the rest of the weekend, and Happy Father's day to everyone here!

[sandi2]

Feelings are one thing, having them control your actions or attitude is quite another. I don't believe DB detaching means you stop feeling anything for her. You can't just turn off love as if it were a faucet. It is more of an attitude of not allowing your feelings for her control you or dictate your life. Recognize the feeling, but make your decision based on something else.

If I may offer a suggestion, just to experiment, if nothing else. Know that you will probably have things to pop up and threaten to trigger your emotions. What can you do whenever it happens? You know yourself, so what can you do when you have triggers that threaten to take over your actions?

[jedi]

Hi Sandi, thanks for the reply!

If I'm understanding your question correctly, I guess currently when I start to feel negativity or despair dragging me down that's when I make myself go for a jog. Of course, I can't rely on that always being an option (case in point yesterday after seeing W's car), so I will think about what I can do more universally.

I have seen it posted to several threads about snapping a rubber band against one's wrist when they had triggers occur. Seems like that might work!

[jedi]

Journaling....

Nothing new to report, aside from I've already missed my goal of posting daily. I just really find there's not much to say, nothing really happens on any given day for me. I guess this is both good and bad.

Had brief, friendly text exchanges with W both Monday and Tuesday. Nothing today. Again, we just don't seem to go more than a couple days and I guess while it's good that there's no animosity, it just feels so...I don't know. Unfortunate? Under-deserving of what we used to be?

I can't place it, but it's like my M / our R has been whittled down to where it's hanging by this single thread, dangling precariously, and at any point that thread is going to snap.

Anyway, I know I should be thankful that in the very least my interaction is not filled with hatred and bad emotions. And I am, truly. But it leaves me feeling unsettled for some reason.

[PigPen]

Keep journaling Jedi, even if it's just to speak out loud through your fingers.

Brief exchanges are better than no exchanges, positive interactions are better than negative interactions. It may be a thread, but at least it's something.

I hear you though, after going through SO much together it's more than painful to have your entire relationship reduced to a few texts per day. It's confounding. How can they be ok with receiving so little and giving so little.

Stay strong.

[jedi]

Thanks PP. You're right, positive interaction no matter how small is definitely better than anything negative or nothing at all.

GAL has been good this weekend. Friday night BBQ with friends, stayed out too late but enjoyable. Yesterday I met up with another friend and had my first experience with firearms ever.

I hope this doesn't ignite any gun control or other related arguments, but I have to say I was in no way prepared for how therapeutic that was. I've tried meditation several times with little luck (my mind wanders too much), but being in the range with ear protection, constant hum of the HVAC, and putting all of my focus on respecting that weapon and hitting the target was closer to this than I'd ever achieved before.

I have a long way to go before I feel comfortable with it from a being smart / safety standpoint. I'm not so much into hunting or anything like that, but I do think marksmanship / target shooting is an attractive option.

On the W front, nothing new. Went not quite 4 days before she sent me a text, just a random humorous picture. Still, that 4 days might now be the new NC record.

I'm not sure why I keep a tally on this, but I do.

[PigPen]

I love to shoot Jedi! Love it. And oh man is it therapeutic. It's also a great skill to have in case the world decides to implode in our lifetimes.

The more you handle firearms the more comfortable you'll be with them. The more comfortable you are with them the more you realize that they are a tool with built in safety measures.

Keep your head up too, 4 days may seem like a lifetime but your W is the one that broke the silence and did so in a friendly manner. For a lot of folks on here, that would be a wonderful experience.

Keep shooting!

[jedi]

Hard to believe it's now been 9 days since I've posted. I spent a nice, long 5 day weekend visiting some friends in DC over the 4th which was very enjoyable. It's a city that I've always loved, and right now am toying with moving to when my current lease ends depending on how I'm feeling or where I am in my situation with W.

In other GAL news, I have concerts lined up tomorrow night and Sunday night, and between now and then plan to help my friend with his final packing before he moves next week. May do a bit of clothes shopping this weekend, everything is starting to just not fit well.

On the W front, as per usual, the NC goes for about 4 days before being broken, so I guess nothing new there. This time around I did mention some mail that has piled up here at the house for her and she offered either meeting sometime, or me sending it all to her.

At the moment, I left it at perhaps meeting for lunch sometime next week, but I'm not sure if I should just send it all off and be done with it.

Part of me would really like to see her and catch up, but at the same time I almost don't care to for some reason. It may set me back emotionally to actually see her, or perhaps I'm just really starting to detach. I still wonder what she's doing pretty much every day, but I'm also starting to get to a point where I realize I don't (hell, maybe can't) want to just be friends with her, so that may be another factor in this.

Good thing is I have time to decide what I really want.

[jedi]

Just a quick update, had lunch with W today. It was a good meeting, friendly and no animosity at all. No mention of D at the time which I considered a positive. W sent a few follow up texts later and I responded that I enjoyed spending time together, and she replied that she did as well. Fast forward a few hours later and I get more texts that W has filed for D and we have a date set for mediation. She said she didn't bring it up at lunch cause she didn't want to make it weird.

I've not responded. I'm not shocked that this has happened, it was kind of inevitable. Still, don't like that D is still in motion.

I'm thinking of a simple "while I still don't want to D, I respect your wishes and I've put the date on my calendar" but any other thoughts on a good DB response?