Permit me to jump in here if you would, I think we're in the same mindset. In hindsight it's clear to see where we made mistakes in our M, it's almost like we were in a fog of our own (not the same A fog talked about here). I never even considered that my M would come to an end, nor that that was a possibility. Not believing it was a possibility left lots of room to overlook how our W's were feeling and what their experience was, in addition to not addressing the things that made us act out of alignment with our highest values or needs.
You may not be a spiritual man, but it sounds like you've had a spiritual awakening. I have. I have not found God, or any external entity, only my own desire to live in a way very differently than I did in my M. God willing...for lack of a better term, that will be with my W. If not though, the work doesn't stop. The aggressive self improvement, the obsession with staying in the present moment, and the emotional intelligence that's developed from having your world ripped out from under you can only be described as a spiritual awakening in my book.
In order to become someone that you weren't in the past, an entirely new view of life needs to be adopted. It sounds like you are doing just that.
Keep on the path my friend, you're right about having 40 years to unlearn, or 40 years to build upon.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
