Roommates for the Next Two Months

[DifRent]

I can't win for losing... I went out to the community pool to read, and she showed up! She was supposed to have a listing appointment today at noon, but they canceled. So now she doesn't have anything till 3 or so...

Anyway, she was swimming, I was reading, she was sunbathing, I was reading... at once point she comes over to sit in the chair next to me under the umbrella. "So, can we have a meeting tomorrow to discuss things?"

Okay, I told myself... keep your cool.

"Things like what?"

"Like getting the boys moved out this week, renting a U-Haul..."

"I don't think this warrants a meeting. These are just things we need to do."

She nodded. And then she said, "I want to talk about our plans."

I said, "WE have plans?"

"You know what I mean. I need to figure out what I'm taking to my new place."

"Up to you, but I've seen the neighborhood, and it's sketchy. I'd be careful not to bring too many valuables."

After this, she went into a speech about not thinking she'd be in this place, not making any money - somehow, again, began twisting this into being my fault. My fault for "selling" her on the idea of becoming a realtor, my fault for not making a profit with my startup, my fault for helping with the business instead of getting a job. "You have this relaxed attitude, never worrying, because you figured I would take care of everything."

I guess perspective is key... I saw myself as the steady rock (and now the lighthouse) to keep us both from drowning in a sea of anxiety. But anyway...

I had to stop her. I said, "Look at me please... I really resent the implication that I've just sat on my ass the past few years and you've done EVERYTHING. Your anger is unrelenting, but in a way, so is mine. I'm starting to realize that financial success is a prerequisite for your "love." Failure is not an option. And if you can't love someone when she fails, then you don't know what love is. What a fool I was!"

And I stood up and came home.

She followed not five minutes later, but we've not said a word. I know I didn't drink enough STFU smoothie this morning, but I have to say it felt good to say that to her. Even though she doesn't agree. Even though it didn't sink in. Even though it didn't help things one bit.

Ack. Off to take a shower and start getting ready to head a little ways out of town to meet my mom, to whom I can say anything I want.