First post. Desperate for advice.

[Last]

Another day, another failure. I caught her lying to me about an outing and said something. She got angry and defensive of course.

I don't understand. How did you "catch" her? You have to stop snooping in her email or with her friends or whatever.

I am not sure I can do this. She is toying with me. Thursday very loving and attentive and Friday disabling the toll unit on her vehicle so she can travel the expressways without any record. I wasn't checking, but who disables that and pays cash unless they are up to something.

Today was a big setback. She is pretty pissed. I also have a hard time with having been the one who was cheated on, and SHE is angry at me. It's like bizarro world.

Hi Last,

I just read up on your on your thread. I am about a month ahead of you in dealing with a similar situation with my H and I did some if the same stuff you are doing. I am by no means a vet, but I am slowly learning. I can tell you first hand that it was a waste of time and energy. Your W is going to do what she wants to do right now and constantly confronting her and looking for evidence is only going to build up a wall between you. She is irrational right now and your actions are only serving to reinforce her thoughts about leaving.

As hard as it is, I strongly encourage you to drop it ASAP. Others on here told me the same thing, but I let my emotions get the better of me. I wasted an opportunity of a month of focusing on a better version of myself. It only caused my H to work on being more secretive.

Yes, it is bizarro world. My H is also very angry at me even though he is the one in A. In her mind your M was already over, so she is rationalizing that she has done nothing wrong. As a vet just told me, the anger of my H is actually at himself and he is just projecting it at me because I am the closest person to my H. So in his mind, I have to be causing his anger and pain.

Please listen to the advice you are receiving from others. Otherwise, a month from now, you will be kicking yourself for wasting so much time and pushing your W away further. From first hand experience, it will not get you anywhere. Work on you!! You can do this.

BW

I appreciate your input. It does seem like we are on a similar path. I will be starting a new thread with some new info.