Hi guys! Whoa... some interesting stuff here. I will just touch on it briefly, bc, frankly, I've moved on. However, I know... I will be back to it eventually!
Well, first, I don't believe that I am obsessing about this. Sometimes, when things happen, I rake it over. I still have emotions about it, what can I say? And, because of this, if I totally dismissed them, I think they would come back to haunt me someday. I just need to work through them.
I do find, that having some insight into MLCer does help me. I know it's crazy town, and we wont understand what its like. However, for me, to hear.... often the mlcer does x because of z. That helps remind me that it is about him and that I couldn't have prevented it, and I shouldn't take it personally. When you are personally attacked and treated like garbage, it is hard to not take it personally. Reminders of their struggles/process helps look at the bigger picture when you are in the emotional mix of it.
And, I think it can also help prepare you a little two. For me, I hadn't researched much of MLC past replay. I knew there was a long way to go and it didn't matter at that point. So, when xh had his "awakening" I was caught so off guard and didn't know what to do. I kind of let my emotions go all over the place. I was king, at that point, of dealing with his antics. That threw me way off. Has taken me a lot of time to regain my footing.
So in that respect, not that it is a map of what is to come... but I just have an inquiring mind. My main focus is not on him. It was... for a long time.
My life has progressed. I'm moving on. But, I still carry this huge trunk of questions and self-doubt. I'm not sure how to really let go of them all except to work through them. Granted, this trunk closed a lot of the time. I carefully open it as needed. however, he still has a little control, I've found. He is able to open it when I'm not looking. That's when things get let out, which I am unprepared to handle.
If I work through those things, he can try all he wants, but there will be noting to come out.
It's not all the time, and I'm keeping a pretty good guard. However, I think I let it down with my killer no contact skills.
So, bottom line, I do like to know what things are like for the mlcer. Not obsessively. It's not my every waking thought (anymore... nor my sleeping...), but it helps me. Not to stay stuck, but to move on, actually. And to take some of the pressure and hurt off my self.
