Last - You need to start a new thread. I'll reply here anyway though.
In reading your posts, I think you don't truly understand how deeply this runs. The person mascara ding as your wife is no longer the person you know. You need to imagine her as you would a drug addict.
What do you think would happen if you said to a cocaine addict that you thought it was bad for them or their family? Do you really think they'd say "you're right. I'm done with it now. Thanks." I guess I have no ACTUAL experience, but I'm pretty sure that they'd push you away and treat you as the enemy. The way I understand it, the only way to get her to see everything is to let her bottom out. Set up boundaries to protect yourself and your kids, but stop trying to pull your wife up.
You also have to stretch your timeline WAY out. This is not something that will happen in hours or days. This is a weeks or months proposition. So stop looking for immediate signs or quick fixes - they just don't exist.
