In which I'm feeling lost, but will perservere

[Elly4]

Zephyr, your dog sounds perfect for agility. Have you done any obedience classes?

Bob, thanks for checking in, brother of mine.

Actually I think this weekend is harder than last. Last weekend my H was apathetic to his dad and stepmom. This weekend I keep getting the sense that no matter what I say, it's the wrong thing. So my stress level is higher. And then I don't know whether to have my S give dads day present while his Mom is up or wait until they leave.

And then he wants to know when we should celebrate our S's birthday as I'm working the actual night. I haven't had a moment without our S to go shopping, but of course my H did because he's away every day. I think I'll go tomorrow but H wants to give his present early.

And of course the ring is back on while his mom is up.

[teach3]

AAAHH the ring. I'm sure mine will come home without it on. I didn't make a big deal when he took it off but it really hurt my feelings.

I'm sorry you felt stressed out about what you say. I totally get that. Tonight was the first time we talked and he didn't interrupt or argue everything I said. He was probably faking it. LOL.

I thinks its great that you went back to training dogs. My dog needs obedience training. He is a naughty scottie!

[Bob723]

Bob, thanks for checking in, brother of mine.

Hi Eirinn!

Well, I was just in my thread and replied to your post there. I also asked how things were going, but realized I had a little more time and energy than I thought so...here's your "brother."

I read your latest post. I'm sorry to hear that this weekend is harder than last. What a roller coaster, huh?

E, you are a good person. I know it's stressful but imperative that you try not to let it show. Ok?

Here's a prayer I say sometimes. Maybe you will find some peace tonight with it. You'll be ok because you are you!!

Holy Spirit, lead me on the path that leads to life, peace, and hope. I pray that today I will make choices that are pleasing to You. Amen.

Please keep your chin up E!

xoxo

"Brother" Bob

[Matt777]

AAAHH the ring. I'm sure mine will come home without it on. I didn't make a big deal when he took it off but it really hurt my feelings.

Same....I think I asked my W if she was going to keep wearing hers on 5/5. I think she gave it back 5/6. Crushed me. I did notice that she took it when she moved out.

I'm still wearing mine, because I still believe in us. My mom asked me a few weeks ago why I was still wearing it. I asked her why I should take it off - she couldn't give any reasons.

[Zephyr]

Ya puppy just finally figured out he is part retriever

I've had the dog to two sessions of obedience training so maybe 14-16 lessons. We are working on the social side which has not been easy.

So a question...are you shouldering virtually all of the childcare time? Is there been any discussions about H doing more or is this or is this more of you just doing things. Reason I ask...I found that I was doing everything around the house and taking care of kids virtually anytime I was home.

Two things I found...one, it was just not fair to me and I was still doing it...it could have been a control thing on my part...so part of that was on me. Two...they are NOT oblivious to how much we really do around the house. They know. It is a decision most of the time.

If you need time to yourself, you should tell him that you need a little you Time even if it is only go shopping for sons birthday.

The whole point to GAL is to ultimately find happiness for yourself, right? It doesn't specify only happiness from spouse...I found I was enmeshed not only with my wife but my children too (granted to a lesser degree). I need to be more than just a husband and a dad...those are awfully important and in no way will I ever compromise myself to be anything less than a good one, but I no longer want to be defined by that. I want to be able to love without strings and live a fulfilling life.

My kids are still young and I know I have a decade left of 'raising them' but what happens next. I have to be able to live a life beyond my children too. I know special circumstances with your son will add a degree of difficulty with finding time and energy beyond the home...but it is certainly something we must do!

Sorry tried to send this last night but fell asleep typing...party animal

(Well I reread what I typed and I hope this doesnt come across as preachy...that was not my intent)

[Elly4]

Teach, it is so hard to say the right things. I guess if I was detached enough I wouldn't care about his reaction. But I'm trying to make sure that what I say and do adds to building our R not taking from it. He was connected yesterday with his parents, but today has been nonstop on his stupid phone.

Scottie's are smart, maybe obedience training can be a GAL? And my favorite saying about dogs is "A tired dog is a happy owner."

Hope your weekend is going well, and I'm thrilled that you have a nice conversation with your H, even if he might have been faking! :P

hugs
E

[Elly4]

Matt and Teach,

The ring thing gets me too. My brother asked me why mine was still own and I said the same thing. I'm married.

Just wish he wouldn't put on for show because he doesn't want to take responsibility for what he's doing.

E

[Elly4]

Zephyr,

I do not in any way shape or form feel you were being preachy! I think it's an honest question. Monday thru Friday it's me. Saturday and Sunday mornings my H takes care of him for two hours each day. Then he loses himself to the phone and it's hit or miss in his care of our S.

Most of my GAL time is in the evenings after my S goes to sleep. I did tell him that I needed shopping time today, so we went shopping. Actually my son stayed in his car seat with dad in the driver's seat, while I went shopping. Of course this made me feel rushed, but at least I got the chance. At the next store, my H bailed and went to get a hair cut.

I do have a hard time just walking away from my S in the house to do my own thing. Maybe that should be one of my goals this week?



Happy Father's Day btw! Your sons are lucky to have you as a role model!

E

[Elly4]

Matt, Happy Father's Day to you too! Your daughters will be so impressed, when they are older, that you did the work to be the best Matt ever!

[Elly4]

Hi Bob! Thanks for reminding me to keep my PMA up. I think I do most of the time, but it is really hard to do it when the WAS is in the same house.

I loved your quote and said it several times in the last day!

Happy Father's Day, Bob. I hope it was a pleasant one for you!

*hugs*
E