Sometimes, there's nothing to do but just cry and release all that sadness. The most important thing in your life is dead and you need to spend most of your life acting as if you're ok with it. So, when you have the time and the space, let it out. Feel it. Scream, cry, break [censored]. Whatever it takes.
As for the DB mistakes, nobody gets it perfect. Just learn from what you may have done, and get it right the next time!
I can see you getting stronger, more aware, the better version of you. Just keep going and you'll be alright.
